Weekend wanderings

I had an amazing weekend. Friday night was spent making dinner with my guy and playing a pretty mean game of scrabble. Of course he won AGAIN, but this time only by 4 points, so it was a good game. We got up bright and early to head to Moore State Park in Paxton. It was a gorgeous morning and we definitely found a great place to spend it.





We then ventured off and had some ice cream and made a stop at my sisters where they were finishing up a yard sale.

Sunday started off bumping as I had this headache that did not want to go away. So I stayed low key in the am knowing that I had tickets to see Susan Tedeschi that night. A came over and we went to the new Fours that opened in Norwell and had a yummy dinner, then we headed off to South Shore Music Circus. The show was of course amazing. Shemekia Copeland opened for her and that lady can sing. I mean it was out of control how soulful her voice was. I am always in awe when I see Susan because she has this soft speaking voice and this insane power when she sings. I had such a nice night. Of course, not it is back to work today, AND it is raining again. This has been the most rain I have seen in one month. I am just hoping we get some sort of summer this year.

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Wonderful Birthday Weekend

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. Started out with some good friends for dinner and drinks on Saturday. Sunday I spent the afternoon at my sisters for Fathers day and my actual birthday. It was so nice, and they had my favorite.. Ice cream cake! YUMMO! The funniest thing was that I had taken a hot dog and had it on my plate while I was getting my hot dog roll ready, and when I look down it is gone. I look around and my father starts laughing, I look over to my left and my nephew Isaac was double fisted, he had his half eaten hot dog in one hand and mine with a bite out of it in his right hand. We all could not stop laughing. Isaac loves his food, I think that was one of 4 hot dogs he had that day. Man that boy can eat. I ended up staying over since I was going to the Aquarium on my day off with my sister and Isaac. Turns out we should have built an ark. We were soaked by the time we got back to the car to head home, and you can see the little sleeping man on this blog, he was wiped out from his trip.

I am really thankful for all those in my life. I know I am beyond blessed. I feel so loved and cared for. This birthday was really special to me, this past year has been one of self discovery for me that still continues and I am sure will for a long time. I have found a peace inside and a new sense of what is truly important in life. Love in its many forms is what keeps my heart in check. Learning to allow the goodness into my life and to know that it is here for a reason and to not look for the negative in it. So many things to look forward to this next year and I am really excited about it. To all my friends and family thank you. FB, thanks for making this year even more special! You truly rock!

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“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

Is it the rain.. the lack of sleep..?

Ugh.. not sure what it is. I am beat, a long week and a few late nights have caught up with my normally jovial self to put me in an end of week funk. Should have been in bed at 9 last night, but after playing with my cats so they would not drive me absolutely bonkers again, I laid in bed and just stared at the ceiling, all sorts of things running through my mind. Anxiety was crazy, and I dont think there was one thing that was driving that for me. I just felt overwhelmed with some things, and I think allowed myself to dwell on thoughts that are idiotic. I know we all have our days and moments, so I am just trudging through this hoping it passes.

This is my birthday weekend. I turn 33 on Sunday. It is also Fathers day which always puts a pit in my stomach. I would love to have a relationship with my dad that others envy, however that was just never in the cards for me and my siblings. I know that I will always love him becuase he gave me the gift of life, however that is where it ends and it makes me sad. Especially when I have to share my birthday every few years with that day when most are celebrating there dad and how wonderful he was. Dont get me wrong, my father had moments when we were younger, but it saddens me to no end that he is just not someone I want to be around. I know I should just see it as being something that is, however it is hard.

So on top of another year older and it always bumming me out a bit, I have that as another thing to deal with. I will enjoy time at my sisters on my birthday, but with my father there it will feel a little stressful as well. I will try and focus on the positive and seeing my nephew will be awesome too.

I am however looking forward to tomorrow night and getting to celebrate my birthday with some awesome friends. I love the people around me and in my life. They always remind me of just how lucky I am.

Don't get me wrong, I may be in a funk today and feeling a bit crappy, but my life is great. I have really amazing family and friends, someone special to share my birthday with this year. Overall life is really good. So, I will get through this rainy day and spend the evening with some retail shoe therapy and all will be well with the world.

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i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

Simply put, I love this poem. It has always been a favorite, then it was in a movie "In Her Shoes" and I just love the simple way it was written. Such a beautiful poem with great meaning.

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i carry your heart with me
by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my Mothers birthday! The strongest most amazing women I know. She is not only my mother she is my best friend and my rock. She makes me laugh so hard that I snort and can drive me completely batty as well. Today I celebrate her and her life. She has come a long way, and been through a lot to get where she is now. She amazes me daily with her character and there is no limit to her selflessness. I can only aspire to be the women that she is today. The beautiful strong lady that I look up to.

So mom, Happy Birthday. I hope the year ahead fills you will all the happiness and joy that you deserve. Thank you for being a role model and loving me completely no matter what. I honor you today, and everyday for making me who I am.

I love you!

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"My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune." ~Graycie Harmon

Funky mood

I woke up today in a bit of a funky mood. Feeling a bit down, however I think it is in part due to all the feelings I have lately. I have been on such a high and so excited about my life and path. I think sometimes when that happens I am due to feel a bit unsteady. To question if I truly deserve it all. I know deep down that I do, that all this has been coming for awhile. I deserve to live a full and happy live. It feels lately like everything is falling into place for me. I am content with my life, and find such a wonderful peace in that. I have amazing friends and family in my life, I am living in a drama free one that is awesome. There are all sorts of reasons for me to thank God for all I have. I wont let my self doubt ruin what is a great start to a wonderful summer for me. So many things to be thankful for today and always. I will get through this feeling and enjoy the moments that are coming. New beginnings make me unbelievably happy.

Beauty

This truly made me smile, and continues to.

The reason I sing

I discovered on Saturday at my gig one of the main reasons I sing. The reason making music brings me such joy. I was walking out of the women's room and saw this women looking around, and I said "Tahni". She said "oh my god, Tara". It was amazing to see her there of all places. Tahni is going through a really tough time right now. Her husband Paul has cancer and is not doing well. It has been a long and tough road for them, with lots of prayer coming from the community. Her friends had surprised her with taking her out to dinner and then some dancing. Tahni needed it, she needed to be able to get out and laugh and have a great time with her girlfriends. It was amazing to me to see her smiling, and it brought me so much joy. The next set I sang "Don't Stop Believing" and after dedicated it to her. She is truly a strong women, and seeing her touch her heart after I sang it made me realize what a gift God had given me. You see, when I saw her before the set, she said her friends gave her a crown that said "Believe". I think God works in such wonderfully mysterious ways. He truly touches me when he makes me stop and thank him for the gift of song, for being able to touch others and to feel that I have a purpose.

Music

I love to sing, everything about lyrics and a great melody move me in ways I have never experienced. I had an amazing gig on Saturday night. I felt more alive up there then I have in a long time. I was confident and felt so amazing. I think it has to do with my life lately. I am truly, uniquivicabbly happy. Are there things that could change? Sure, but overall I am really enjoying everyday, even when it has challenges. I feel stronger emotionally then I ever have and I am open to this crazy world. I am not going to let it bring me down and I will continue to trudge through when I have to and enjoy the moments when I feel completely at peace with myself.

This is such a precious gift we are given. We need to embrace the good that we are given and allow it to help us filter through the not so good. I am learning more and more to do that and it makes me happier then I think I have ever been in life. Wow, I never thought I would say that, but I am happier then I have ever been. This is a great place to be.

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"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

Oh Summertime, my sweet love

Summer you call to me all year long, and when you saunter in and your light shines through my window I hear the birds sing. The world seems to move more, peoples laughter bounces off building walls and into my living room as I sit on my couch and feel the breeze that often comes with early June. You call me to walk by the ocean and feel that air that when it touches my face makes me feel alive. I want to take my shoes off and feel the cool blades of grass as they tickle the bottom of my feet. I want to walk to the edge of the water and feel the cold as it touches my toes. Life seems so much sweeter this time of year. I think perhaps that is what makes my birthday and turning another year older not so bothersome to me. Somehow the magic of June makes me feel 5 again. It turns the days longer and time seems to stand still. I am in love with you Summer, you are the season that God chose for me to become a part of this world. You will always be close to my heart. We are connected, and I feel the renewal every year when you approach. I am like a child at Christmas when I know you are arriving, I want to wake up early and greet you. I cherish the memories of the summer all year long and it gets me through the cold and dark times. So sweet summer, we will have many wonderful moments this year, and I will carry them in my pocket when the fall enters and my sweaters come out of hybernation.

Today

Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you.

Thoughts on online dating

So I have done the online dating thing off and on for a while. I met my ex there, and yes, the one before that. I have definitely seen it evolve into what appears to sometimes be an online bar scene. There are people on there to hook up, to play games just as you would find at any bar in Boston or your hometown. Then there are people like me who truly want to find just one person to share my life with. There is that cliche saying "it just takes one". I truly believe that there is someone out there to share my days with. However being online you have to really make sure you have your radar on. That you can hone in on the ones that are real and honest. There are times we can have the wool pulled over our eyes.

I am extremely passionate person and tend to feel things pretty intensely. However as of late have learned to allow myself time to get to know someone. I think that is the key to finding the person I am meant to be with. Take the time to truly get to know them and see if you honestly click. If there is something there worth building on. This has been an amazing lesson for me, and I think I am doing a great job of putting it into practice.

The only issue for me that has always been hard with online dating is you never know if they are seeing other people etc. When do you decide to just see each other and date and see where it goes? This is a fine line. I think though when you know you have a good person in front of you, you should focus on getting to know them and seeing if there is a future there. Sometimes to many things in the air can lead to confusion. However like I said this is where the line gets fuzzy. No one wants to bring up that convo and you just want to have it happen naturally. Not always easy. Because honestly if you met at a bar or through a friend, you would not know if they were dating other people unless they told you anyway.

I think most of all the key is to keep a clear head, and remember who you are as a person without someone in your life. Hold onto that person always, and be clear on what you need and want in life. I believe I will attract into my life the right person for me and that confidence is a great thing to have.

Happy dating friends (although most of you are either married or practically married) :)

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"Nobody will think you're somebody if you don't think so yourself."