What is it...

Something in your eyes erases my fear
When you touch me the world disappears
You renew me

Something in your voice makes my hear beat fast
When you sing to me it's the sweetest sound I've heard
You consume me

Something in your kiss is intoxicating
You linger on my lips until they meet again
You make me feel alive

Something about us feels safe and warm
Your embrace reminds me of what I was missing
You are home to me

~ TF

Merry Merry

I know it has been a long time since my last blog. BAD GIRL! Well here I am, it is December 16th and I should be all Merry Merry, Fa la la la, but I am not truly in the holiday spirit this year. Don't get me wrong I am allowing the positive to shine through, however I am having a harder time doing that this year. I came into work after a wonderful Thanksgiving with my amazing family to find out that I was losing my job. I work for a start up so these things can happen, I was just not expecting it. I think the hardest part was that I truly love where I am working and the people I am working with. It is really daunting thinking about interviewing again and looking to find a place that will be as close to a good fit as I have had in my current position. I know it is possible, it is just all a tad overwhelming right now.

I think though that I am in a good place emotionally to be able to put it all in perspective. There is that old and oh so annoying saying "Everything happens for a reason" and funny enough I truly do believe that. I know that what is happening right now is mean to be, that this is a hurdle I will have to overcome and it could be a time for me to figure it all out.

Stay tuned!

The Joys of Dating

An email like this is what makes dating such a pain in the tosh! After letting a guy I had been on one date with (yes, you heard that right, only one date) know I was not interested or at least not in the level he was, I got this response:

"Ah yes.... Grass is greener syndrome.... Always something better out there... Why date a nice guy in front of you if there is someone better out there... It's a lonely existence because there is ALWAYS someone better. If you are not ready for something serious... Maybe a "friendship" website would be better for you than a "dating" website.... Just saying...

If you are not sure what you want, then why waste your time and guys time and I wish you hadn't wasted mine.

By the way... You drank too much on the first date and you were overly obnoxious by the end of the night at the bar.... I took it as nerves and was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt...
I had fun, but you are too flighty. Best of luck.... I think....
Your loss sweetheart!
:-)"

Wow, talk about all over the place. Let me address a few things in his response. First of all I had exactly two glasses of wine, one with dinner and one at the bar after. Me being obnoxious was my outgoing personality and joking with the bartender. Now most that know me, know that I am a goof, and sometimes a bit off color. I am used to socializing because I sing in a band and am always interacting with people. It is really humorous to me how when someones feelings are hurt they can resort to saying mean things. At least I know that my feelings about him were spot on and that I am lucky it was only one date. Aren't I so lucky that he wanted to "give me the benefit of the doubt". Wow what a charming man! The sad part is if I responded with wanting to go out with him again he would have been more then happy to go out with me again. This is a guy that was texting everyday and would even text 4 times in a row without any response from me. I think perhaps I need to not be so nice and just say. Thank you, but no thank you and move on a lot faster.

Fall into life

It is your choice. Embrace life or constantly be in a battle with it. We are here for a limited amount of time, we never know the day our life might end. That is not meant as a negative, it simply means that we should chose to go the right way with our choices. What is right? No one can tell you what is right for you or how you should feel, however we all know that when it comes to making a choice that there are normally two pretty solid choices. I just want to make the right choice even when it is the hard decision. A friend recently has come to a conclusion that one of her "friends" really isn't one. It is hurtful to find out that someone you cared about has no regard for your feelings and that the energy you had put into that friendship was not and will never be reciprocated. She could lash out nasty or she could be the bigger person and move forward. She is choosing to move forward. That is not always the easiest to do, and I applaud her for it. I am not sure I could do the same thing. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and know that no amount of what we say to someone will change their actions toward us. At the end of the day it is a ride, and we have to enjoy it. It will get us nowhere being miserable. I don't live with no regrets, I have regrets. Having regrets is not a bad thing, I think we learn to move forward and try not to repeat those moments. This is the journey you have been put on and never take it for granted.

Time goes by fast

I know it had been a month since my last blog. I guess time just goes by so fast and there are times I just really do not know what to write on here. I am going through what I think is a great stage. It is a stage that comes with lots of different emotions, which equal some sad days, but overall I am happy, and content and finally getting that working on ME is my number one priority. Learning to fully accept the person I am and knowing that those that are in my life love who I am, even with my quirks although it is not as easy as I thought it would be. It has become my daily goal to feel good about the person I am and what I offer to the world around me. I am learning to focus on what I truly need and not so much what I want. Taking the time to appreciate where I am and know that perhaps the things I have been fighting so badly to have keep me from truly recognizing all the things that I do have. We all hear the cliches that are out there on when you are not looking for something is when it happens. Well I have to agree with that one, because I am always looking and wondering and it keeps me from really embracing the now. The power of my life as it is today. What keeps me from moving forward with true acceptance of the women I have become? These are all daily questions and I am in a mode of self renewal and some really good soul searching. I am trying to learn to be more open, to discover what is out there that I may have overlooked and to just for once ask me what I want in my heart, what will make me feel fully present and aware in my life. I am loving this outlook and it has already made me look at certain things with a new pair of eyes. More to come as I move forward on this path.