Chemistry and all things wonderful...

Chemistry

Main Entry: chem·is·try

1: a science that deals with the composition, structure, and properties of substances and with the transformations that they undergo
2 a: the composition and chemical properties of a substance b: chemical processes and phenomena (as of an organism)
3 a: a strong mutual attraction, attachment, or sympathy b: interaction between people working together ; specifically : such interaction when harmonious or effective; team lacking chemistry>

I found the different definitions for Chemistry to be interesting. I think we all in the world of dating rely on this word/feeling. We all know that you have to have chemistry with a person you are thinking of pursuing. However have we ever stopped to think about how we decipher chemistry. How does one know what they are feeling is chemistry and not something else. Is lust considered chemistry, when we feel that butterfly feeling, is that just merely attraction. These are questions I ask myself. I think I have found that the answer is that chemistry is more then attraction, it is perhaps after a conversation over dinner, when you feel a connection in your values and likes and dislikes. It is an inner connection, it superceeds attraction of the sexual kind. I think we need to all remember that. Becuase when you are 80 years old, what matters is that deep intimate connection. Being able to sit together on the porch swing and hold hand like you did when you first got married and still know why that deep love is there. To still be able to feel that wonderful thing called chemistry.

Quotes

So in America when the sun goes down and I sit on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast, and all that road going, all the people dreaming in the immensity of it, and in Iowa I know by now the children must be crying in the land where they let the children cry, and tonight the stars’ll be out, and don’t you know that God is Pooh Bear? the evening star must be drooping and shedding her sparkler dims on the prairie, which is just before the coming of complete night that blesses the earth, darkens all rivers, cups the peaks and folds the final shore in, and nobody, nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old, I think of Dean Moriarty, I even think of Old Dean Moriarty the father we never found, I think of Dean Moriarty.

~ Jack Kerouac, On the Road (1957)

I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.

~ J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

“I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.”

~ J.D. Salinger

Tuesday thoughts

Where do I begin today. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, and yes that is a scary thought. I am finally feeling more myself after my operation and been thinking alot about getting things in gear now. The surgery sidetracked me a bit and now I just want to get moving.

Lots of things have happened lately that have made me question alot. I am saddened by one, confused by another and as a whole kind of reeling. I still keep my smile on and my wits about me, however it has been hard this week to stay chipper.

We all change as we grow, and we all hope that it is for the better and that we are more complete as people from the things we learn. Sometimes though along the way relationships in our lives change. Friendships we have had for years and cherish can change too, and sometimes weathering that storm is not always easy. I have come to find that out recently. I would have to say I am not normally speechless, but as of late I feel I am at a standstill.

Seems that things are a bit out of my control. That is not a problem for me, as life tends to throw us curveballs. I guess I am just learning how to lay low a bit and see where all the pieces fall.

I have so many questions. I guess time will tell with them all. I wish I had the gift of extreme patience.

The Bucket List

I have been coming right home from work this week and resting as I am still recovering from surgery, and finally now that the cooler weather is here and fall is on the way, I am using my netflix subscription. So last night after doing some much needed laundry, I sat down with "The Bucket List", this movie stars two of my favorite actors, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman and is about two cancer patients given 6 months to a year to live. Now it got horrible reviews, however I am not one to go by reviews and I tend to rent it and see how it makes me as the viewer feel. So there I am, all comfy in my jammies, heating pad on my ear and ready to dig in to this feature. I would have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it, however if you are not a fan of Jack then you tend to not like allot of his movies. For me though, he has such a way of delivering lines and I definitely found myself laughing and yes, crying since I am a pathetic sap.

There is one point in the movie where they are in Egypt looking over at a pyramid and Morgan Freemans Character goes into one of his.. "did you know" moments. It struck me because he said the following:

“You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death. When their souls got to the entrance to heaven, the guards asked two questions. Their answers determined whether they were able to enter or not. ‘Have you found joy in your life?’ 'Has your life brought joy to others?’”

He asked Jack's character these questions and I found myself for a while after the movie thinking about this. I think it is a question we should all ask ourselves. Sometimes we are so selfish, it is a me society. We walk around this world and want to feel good, be happy, make more money etc. I think sometimes we forget to give back to the world and the people in it. I know I have found joy in my life, there are memories I have from my past that somehow go even beyond that feeling, and then there are the tiny moments of joy in my day that I hold on tight to. When I get to the second part of the question it gets tougher for me to answer. Has my life, my existence here brought joy to others, I hope the answer is yes, and there are times that I know the answer is yes. It is kind of a humbling question. If I say yes, am I being presumptuous, am I assuming that I am bringing people joy. I think the best way for me to answer it is that I make a conscious effort to be aware of my world and the people around me, to try and bring joy and smiles to those I come in contact with everyday. I think that is the most honest answer. I want to hope that at the end of my life I have made someone smile on a bad day, or even caused them to giggle at something I have said. I also hope that I truly feel in my heart that joy that we all should feel.

If you have not seen this movie, I would say rent it. It made my soul feel good, gave me a good cry that I probably needed and reminded me of some things that I tend to forget.

Life is such a precious gift.

Pain pain go away

So, it is 4 days after my surgery, and while I am supposed to be going back to work tomorrow that is now not going to happen since I have to stay on the Percocets. I have had extreme pain the last few days and no real reason why. A Tympanoplasty normally does not cause pain after the first two days, however I have had lots of ear pain. So today has been frustrating as I had to listen to the on call doctor tell me I had to wait til tomorrow AM to talk to my doctor. So tomorrow I have to try and get in there in the AM when my mother can drive me as I can not drive on narcotics. Man, my mother deserves a wonderful dinner after how she has been the last few days. I have really needed someone and she has been there. She is so selfless, I am extremely lucky to have a mother that I am best friends with.

When I am fully back on my feet I will have to show her a nice evening.

So, hopefully I will be up and running and able to sing this coming weekend. We have two gigs, and one is important as it is a new location. So I am trying to really relx and take care of myself.

Most of you know I am not good at not doing anything. Being home has driven me pretty batty, however it is always good for me to have some down time.

Well on that note, the percs are kicking in and I am going to try and get a full nights sleep.

Post Surgery update

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. I am doing well. The srgery was a success, although I have had lots of pain, thank goodness for perks. I have been taking them every four hours on the hour and it has been helpful. I have only been able to sleep for about 3-4 hours at a time. However it all went well and I want to make sure to take care of myself and get as much rest as possible.

I am heading back to work on Monday AM, so trying to do what I can to make sure I dont need the pain meds on Monday. As they definitely frown on driving when on narcotics. :)

Well speaking of which, time once again for me to zonk out again.

Thanks again for being so awesome and supportive. Hopefully I will be back to my old self very shortly.

Monday Morning talk

This weekend was a really nice one, Friday night I went to the gym with my friend Sarah then took her out to dinner. It was really nice, and good to spend sometime with her. Saturday I cleaned a bit in the AM, while making keilbasa in the slow cooker to bring to my family get together. My Uncle Thomas was here from England with his wife Jill and my cousin Oliver who is now *gasp* 21. It was such a nice time. I got on the trampoline with my nephew Isaac for a while and that was a riot, he loves to jump now since he has been taking gymnastics. Then my crazy family all started to play soccer outside, and then the rain came, and it was literally pouring, and they are all out there playing still. It was great, I definitely took some pictures of that. That night I went to Southie to see my friend Dawn and Graemes new condo and out for some drinks with them. Sunday I had a nice lunch and then an impromptu stop at Michelles that turned into pedicures and dinner. Overall I would have to say it was a really great weekend.

I am preparing to have sugery on Wednesday AM. I have had this ear surgery before, however I always get nervous. There is always a chance you can go deaf, although it is a small chance I still worry. Singing is practically everything to me, it is my outlet, and to lose hearing would not be a good thing. I have 100% faith in my surgeon, and he has been doing my ear, nose and throat operations since I was 2 years old.

I look forward to this being my last surgery and being able to move forward on a few things. This had put a slight halt on things, and looking to get the train moving!

:) Happy Monday all! Be good!

When Soft Voices Die

MUSIC, WHEN SOFT VOICES DIE

MUSIC, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the belovèd's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

by: Percy Bysshe Shelly (1792-1822)

I was thinking of my nana today, and looking up music quotes. I turned up with "Music, when soft voices die, Vibrate in the memory" and it gave me a chill and brought a tear to my eye. It brought me right back to the night my nana passed away from cancer and the pain and yet since of relief that was there. The room was peaceful, and the beautiful CD she loved was playing in the background. My Grandad was stroking her face so gently and the love that lasts a lifetime was in his eyes as they glistened from his tears. Tons of my family surrounded her bed, and as she was passing on to her maker we all held hands and prayed the Our Father together. Being the musical family we are we moved on to singing Amazing Grace. I get a feeling in my soul now just thinking about that beauty of that moment. I have never felt such a since of peace and sorrow all at the same time. I believe everyday that she is my guardian angel and she watches me grow. I hope that I have made her proud and that she knows just how much her presence in my life has affected me throughout my days and will continue to as I move on and become a mother and then someday a nana as well.

Beautiful end

Wow, what an amazing weekend we had. The weather was so wonderful. Lots of good times with family and friends..

*sigh* I do love the fall, but there is always something about the summer ending that leaves me a bit bummed. I would have to say this summer was the most interesting and probably the most eye opening. I definitely learned alot about myselfe and life in general.

Time for the fall though, the leaves changing color, apple picking, walks on the beach with a big sweatshirt, Hot cocoa weather. See, there are many things to look forward too!

Lets just hope we dont get to much snow this winter.