Shes shiney and red and ALL MINE

I did it. I went car shopping yesterday and soon bring home my fabulous new car. I wanted another hatchback but ended up with a 2010 Toyota Camry. She is BEAUTIFUL and rides like a dream. I guess this is officially my first grown up car. It only took me til 33. I needed to get a car that would maintain its value. I loved my hatchback and it was really good to me, however now was the time for something that can go the long haul with me. Who knows where the next 5 years will lead and having something that will keep up with me is a great thing.

Of course not loving that I have another car loan, however that is life, and in the end it is all worth it.

I can not wait to pick her up and break her in with some good tunes, me singing and the windows rolled down.

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“I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”

Sometimes..

It takes one person in your life for you to finally see the beauty in yourself. One person believing in you and loving who you are completely and with all your faults. I think for the first time I understand more then I ever have what unconditional love is. To feel that who I am is more then enough is a blessing. I am indeed fortunate.

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"If I know what love is, it is because of you."

Lemon pie inspired

So my very lovely friend Sarah just inspired me with her post on her blog

http://sarahcookson.blogspot.com/2009/07/lets-get-rich-and-build-our-house-on.html">

and I have to say I agree with it completely. Unlike Sarah I have lived with men in the past and I did live with my ex fiance. I did not have to live with any of the men in my past to know how it would or would not work. Moving out from living with my ex was the toughest thing ever. I knew it was right and that we could not be together because it was a terribly unhealthy relationship. I am now with someone that makes me see what something beautiful can be like and I think we are on the path to a amazing relationship. I know in my heart if it worked out that I would not live with him either before we were married. As Sarah so sweetly puts in your blog "but most of all right now we will dream about the days when we don’t have to leave, or say i miss you and when we can wake up every morning next to our favorite person ever."

Thank you Sarah for that beautiful post and for knowing that your love right now is solid and that the dreams of waking every morning to each other is such a blessing til the day you say I do.

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“I never thought it was worth it, you know waiting for your love, and then I felt your kiss, I could wait forever for this”

Making a commitment

This week I have been thinking alot of discipline and making a commitment to something. I sadly have never been good at committing fully to something that I truly want. Not sure if it is the incessant fear of failure that follows me around, or the fear of what if I do succeed. I think of that alot this week because I am trying to set some clear personal goals for myself. I know that it is a matter of making the decision, making a set list of things that I need to do to go along with that goal and making an effort EVERY day to stick to that. I need to stop the excuses, because clearly that is all they are. They are the roadblocks that get in our way. I always say I get in my own way, and that is true on so many fronts. I find that I like to sabotage what I am doing for me, and I like to find as many excuses for it as I can. The truth is, there are none. The only reason is me. We need to take a conscious look at ourselves and say why have I not accomplished this? It can be a simple goal of cleaning your apartment, or losing that last 10 pounds, or even as simple as sending that card that you keep meaning to. Honestly I am doing that this week, learning to put some things first, some things that are truly really important to how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror. Sometimes we need to put oursevles first, and not let our own fear or lack of discipline get in the way. I need to be truly happy and at peace with who I am and to get there, I need to focus on a few things. First is learning discipline and sticking to it.

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“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.”

Somewhere I have never traveled

somewhere i have never travelled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands


e. e. cummings