Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

I don't know what it is exactly, but I just love Christmas time. Could it be because I live in New England and the cold weather just lends itself to the "real" feel of the holidays coming and then the lights and trees start going up all around you and you have no escape from it? Could it be the music and the Christmas decorations that miraculously appear now up to two weeks before Thanksgiving? Possibly a bit of that brings it out in me.

Although I remember loving Christmas as a child, the feeling I would get Christmas Eve when we would get one present to open, and it was always a new pair of PJ's to wear. It was a small tradition my mother started and it was always expected. Then we would go to bed and stare at the ceiling trying to go to sleep, but knowing that Santa was on his way gave us a rush that slumber could not touch. No matter how much sleep you did or did not get you would jump out of bed at some ungodly hour and run to the living room that had overnight transformed into this magical and beautiful land of perfectly wrapped packages that sparkled under the glow of the tree. The milk we left for Santa would be almost gone and one lonely half eaten cookie would be on the plate. All of these things let us know that Santa had enjoyed his visit in the Fitzpatrick home. Over the years as all things do, things changed as we grew, however the magic of what Christmas was always stayed in my heart.

As I got older I also learned more about what the holiday was to my family and the struggles that came with making Christmas special for us. I saw how hard my mother and father worked to provide for us and to make sure that we had the presents under the tree. However I also learned just how much faith my mother had and that it was just not about Santa and the presents, but about Jesus and our Christian faith. All of these things molded who I am today and allow me to continue to see the beauty in this world even though it does get clouded with all that is around us from time to time. This time of year is a time for us to reflect on all that we have, to spend time with those that we love and to cherish every moment. It is not a surprise to me that my nana passed away shortly after Christmas from cancer when I was 18. I cannot think of a more beautiful time of year to peacefully leave this world.
As I look forward to Christmas this year and reflect on all that I have and the abundance of blessings in my life, I will remember that even without the lights, and Christmas carols and presents wrapped under the tree that the joy in my heart is something I can take with me throughout the year. That Christmas cheer can be an everyday occurrence.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

New days ahead

So new things are all around me. The leaves are changing and my view from day to day has changed a bit as well. I have a fabulous man in my life, amazing friends, and family that is always there for me. My brothers engagement party was this weekend and we got to meet Sreela's parents who live in California. That was so wonderful, her mother Trina is an absolute delight. It is amazing to think that in May Sreela will be my sister. I get to see my baby brother get married, and it makes me so ridiculously happy! He has come a long way and I am so proud of him and his recent accomplishments.
I am working in Boston again or Cambridge to be more exact and although the commute is not the best in the world I feel really good about this decision and where it could lead. I think in general I am looking at life a lot differently and really wanting to enjoy each day and live to the fullest. I want to try and risk more and see where this path will lead me. I need to remind myself that I am in control of my life and of where I end up. Looking forward to the end of this year and the start of 2011, I am sure it will bring more amazing things my way!

Endless night

The summer sun was slipping slowly as the cool breeze ushered in to end the day.
The ocean always did sound so peaceful at night, sometimes it was hard to know if it was the sounds of the water crashing on the rocks or the beating of my heart that I could hear. I always found this to be the time of day when my thoughts were clearest. I wish I could bottle this moment and take it out on a day when the world is full of needless noise. The feeling of the sand under my feet, laughing to myself as it tickles my toes, the old sweatshirt that no matter how old it gets is always a comfort as the evening cools. It is a night like this that I wish time would stop and allow me to soak it in as long as my little heart desires.

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If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance. ~Bern Williams

My thoughts

Today my thoughts lean towards earlier years and decisions I made. I realize 34 is still really young, but I am feeling my age today. I am seeing friends marry, and friends that have been married have children. It all brings to light how fast life is moving now. I have amazing people in my life, great friends, amazing family. Will I be a mother someday? Perhaps. Will I allow if I am not to define me? Never! I wont let status of what I have or have not define my future. I think my life is exactly as planned, and I look forward to what it brings along. I do sometimes allow myself to get sad and dwell, however that is truly only human and to not let that happen would make me a robot. I think I am close to finding peace in the fact that I can not plan out truly what will happen and that there is a thing called destiny that does guide us all. I will never stop wishing for things I do not have, but I guess that is what will make me appreciate it in the long run. Life is a gift and I need to enjoy every moment.

Summertime rolls in....

The summer is upon us, and this time of year always puts a new spring in my step. For some reason waking up to the sun and hearing the birds singing always makes you want to wake and tackle the day. It makes us remember the things we loved about summer as a kid. Despite the obvious, it meant 2 months off to run around town. Also it brought days at the beach, the sound of the ice cream truck, or the taste of soft serve at your favorite spot. It also meant for some of us the crush you had on the boy down the street, and the endless game of "does he like me too". The best thing for me about the summer was being able to spend time with my Nana and Grandad who lived downstairs from us. My nana had the most amazing imagination, and always had this twinkle in her eye. I believe she was an angel, there was a magic I felt when I was with her. She always knew how to put me at ease, she made me feel talented and beautiful. Nana always told me I was special and a creature made perfectly by God. When she passed it only took away the physical interaction. I truly feel everyday since then (almost 16 years) that she is with me. There are times I look to her for guidance still and I grasp a memory or I look at a picture of us and it brings me back to those days. I will still always remember playing the piano in the hallway to hear the door open and see her watching me. The love in her eyes and the joy in her smile as I played on. Summer is magical, and I look forward to having one of the best yet!

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I only think of you.....Everytime my heart beats.

Life is about forgiveness and letting go

I have a wonderful gift, something that I am overly grateful for. I have the gift of forgiveness. I have learned that life is short and that we all make mistakes. I want more then ever when I hurt someone or do something I know was wrong for a person to forgive me. I think we all have this gift, however sometimes we are stubborn, and we don't want to forgive. Sometimes the hurt comes from a deep place inside and we don't want to let it go. I also believe that sometimes we miss out when we don't forgive, we miss a great opportunity to grow as a person. I think it also allows us to truly get to know someone when we forgive, because it lets us into their vulnerable side. The tender side of a person that we should grasp onto. I find it is the moments when our true weakness comes out that we really allow someone into our world a little. I believe in not just second chances, but sometimes third as well. I have learned that in life we have to stop keeping score. Otherwise how can we truly move ahead. Forgive people even when they hurt you, realize they are human and we all need to be more open to allowing others to have their faults.

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“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Baby bumps and birthday spanks

I get to have a lovely walk with my friend Dawn this eveing. You know there is nothing better then seeing a friend go through her first pregnancy. The glow, the unchartered territory they are making there way to. My friend Dawn is amazing. She is the kind of person that lights up a room and is always smiling. She has a way about her that just fills me with joy! Some people ooze positivity and she is truly one of them. She is married to an equally wonderful man Graeme. He is someone that she literally met randomly one summer and it became a VERY long distance relationship. It is amazing how a love can be so destined. I am blessed to know such a free spirit. A day can be made better just by spending a moment in her presence. She always knows what to say to make me smile when I am having a bad day and I hardly ever hear her utter a negative word. The child she is carrying is blessed beyond belief to have such wonderful parents.

I must send a VERY happy birthday to my lovely cousin Larissa! She will be getting a birthday smack from me this evening!

Have a fabulous weekend my friends and remember try saying hello to a stranger, it just might make their day!

Cherry Blossoms

My office is surrounded by Cherry Blossom trees. Perhaps it is the pink that draws me to them, or just the idea that it symbolizes the start of spring and warmer days ahead. I will admit I am a sucker for any sign of spring. I love when the flowers all start to peek there head out of the ground and flood the world with color. It just makes my heart dance.

I am feeling so much better this week. I have to say I did not deal with the stress lately with the same grace that I normally do, however it just seemed alot hit me really hard and I was not in top form when it did. I guess I just need to realize that I can't always be the strong one, sometimes I need to allow myself to go through it and the steps are necessary. Well this lady is picking up her boot straps and moving forward. No more ho hum for me!

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There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Funk

I hate this feeling I have had the past few days. I was in a car accident, and I am okay, but I had the moment where your life flashes before you and I was extremely shaken up. It is still affecting me two days later. I am indeed in a classic funk. I have not been in one like this for awhile. I had that moment last night when I was standing in my apartment and my cat Ella was relaxing on the ledge by the window, it was extremely still and quiet and I felt alone. I have not felt that way in a long time, but last night it hit really hard. I realized that I was 33 and alone, and normally, I am completely okay with that. However last night, I cried, tears I have not cried in a long time. Tears of loss, of regret, of past pain. I cried for the things I feared I would never have, like someone to share my life with or the laughter of my own children filling a house. I let myself have that moment, because sometimes we just need to cry, we need to let it all out. I am in a funk, and I need to recognize it and allow myself to process it and work through it all. I need to realize that this happens, we have moments when everything hits us harder then it normally would and it is okay to be that way. I will be okay, I realize under all of this the blessings I do have and that is enough to get me through.

Yes indeed there was Roller Skating!

Wonderful weekend full of dinner with a friend I do not see as often as I should, and that is always an amazing thing. Jessi and I are a day apart. We were born in the same hospital and our mothers were in the same wing. She is a breath of fresh air and we always have a great time together.

On Saturday there was Roller skating!



oh yes there was indeed! After it was off to Denny's for french toast. Nothing like a little breakfast at 10:00PM. It was such a nice night, and it never gets old to feel like you are in high school again. I do have a big bruise from a nice spill I took! I am just happy I did not take my friend Suzi down with me. That would have been a scene!

Sunday was full of a morning hike and then walk around Castle Island in Southie! It is so pretty there! I definitely got my exercise in this weekend. I will continue that trend with a trip to the gym after work. I hear the summer coming and I am being haunted by images of bathing suits! Grrr.. I will not let them get the best of me! Happy Monday all!

Reminder of a womans worth

This was in one of my favorite blogs and I have to say it made me smile and feel alive. I think we all need to remind ourselves of the lovely creatures we are as women. I think it is what keeps us in touch with our passion, sensuality and yes even our sexuality. To always be reminded we are amazing, stunning, beautiful and hold onto that when this world can be ugly and unforgiving. When the images of what magazines, or society think is beautiful haunt us. Maintain your inividuality and know it is what sets you apart. We are all creatures unlike no other and that should be celebrated everyday.

The Loveliness of a new day

Sometimes the morning comes just in time, ushering in a new day for me to embrace. I am always drawn to a quote from a childhood movie "Anne of Green Gables", where Ann states that tomorrow is brand new with no mistakes in it. Yes, I like thinking that, and walking tall into the world... fearless.

My thoughts

Are clearly all over the place lately. I saw the sun this morning and realized that sometimes its okay to not have complete clarity. Sometimes you can just go with a moment and let it work itself out.

You make me smile

with my heart! :)

Be Strong, Be Powerful, but be a woman

You can be a strong woman and still be soft. You can be independent and still need people. Finding a balance between strong and independent and learning how to trust and allow someone else to be there can be a challenge. I have lived alone now for almost 4 years, and I have been on this amazing journey of self discovery and self awareness. I feel so good in my own skin and know that while I have things I want to change about who I am, there are so many things about me that I feel are awesome. Learning to focus on what you have to offer and not the things that you are insecure about is hard. We always tend to, okay, I always tend to see what I need to work on or change. I have been making a conscious effort lately to really embrace what I have to give others and what about me is good. This life we have is so short, and so precious. I just want to laugh and smile to bring light into other peoples lives as well. I love this journey, it is so rugged, and yet so smooth sometimes. The twists and turns have led to this place that I am at now. I am blessed beyond belief and truly thank God everyday for all that I have. What I don't have right now will all come in time. The things that will define me as I get older are not things that you can hold in your hand, they are not tangible, but instead they are the things I have to offer that can't be seen.

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“Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey.”