Been a while since I posted something written, this interestingly enough was written on the train this AM. Glad I am now carrying around a notebook.
The Truth:
Tell me, let me know
The thoughts inside your mind
The words they always vary
But the message remains the same
Teach me, help me understand
That inner space you keep locked
I hear you calling out to me
But the wall wont let me in
Believe in me, in my heart
It has been there before
My walls not as high
Your secrets are safe with me
Tell me the truth
I am here to catch you
*******************************
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Loving who you are
I learned something last night from a person that I actually saw a lot of myself in. Beauty, is truly in who you are as a person, what you bring into this world. I am a beautiful person. I get in my own way by trying to bring myself down and think that I am not. I have such a spirit in me, and love for the people in my life. I am capable of anything. I am a loving, trustworthy person that will do anything for those that I care about. I know this through and through. I need to feel that I deserve the same from all people. I am on my path. I want to share my life with others that know how to laugh, love, smile through the bad times. I want to surround my world with goodness as much as possible.
I woke this am to music. I watched a movie that ever song had an emotional connection to what was going on. I feel that is how I am with music. I love lyrics, and I could listen to one song over and over again if I feel pulled to what is being said. It is a natural drug to me. It fills my soul and makes me smile from the inside out. Sometimes an amazing song can just make me sob, and that to is really healthy. Where would I be in this life without the people I love and the power of a melody, or a pen to paper. The power of a song to guide my steps.
I am thankful for new friends and old friends. I am unbelievably hopeful today of all that is in my future. I believe, and that give me all I need.
I woke this am to music. I watched a movie that ever song had an emotional connection to what was going on. I feel that is how I am with music. I love lyrics, and I could listen to one song over and over again if I feel pulled to what is being said. It is a natural drug to me. It fills my soul and makes me smile from the inside out. Sometimes an amazing song can just make me sob, and that to is really healthy. Where would I be in this life without the people I love and the power of a melody, or a pen to paper. The power of a song to guide my steps.
I am thankful for new friends and old friends. I am unbelievably hopeful today of all that is in my future. I believe, and that give me all I need.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The sunshine and other thoughts in my mind
What a beautiful day it is out there. Of course I say this while staring out the glass window of my office. It was nice to not have to wear a jacket today and it always seems people are so much happier when the sun is shining.
Life is changing all around me. Everytime I see my nephew he is taller, smarter, and of course cuter. It is amazing how he had developed. He is probably one of the most tender boys I know. Recently when we were at the circus with him last week while sitting on my mothers lap he turned he face to her and smiled as he gentley touched her cheek. I definitely started tearing up. It is so loving, and to see him just stop to look at his nana that way. It also made me look at my mother differently. We have become so close these past few years and I am so thankful for that. However somehow Ruth Marie having Isaac changed us all inside. I feel closer to my sister and my entire family since we have been blessed with him. He puts hope in my heart when sometimes I don't have it. I can be having a bad day and talk to my sister on the phone and she has him say "Hi Auntie Tara" and it changes my mood instantly. He is our little angel. I look at him and can not imagine how much I will love my own child someday. The love I have to Isaac overflows.
We as a family are blessed. I only hope to someday know the joy of motherhood and to share that with an amazing man. It is all out there for me, within my reach. I know I am ready for it when it does finally get here.
*******************************
Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali
Life is changing all around me. Everytime I see my nephew he is taller, smarter, and of course cuter. It is amazing how he had developed. He is probably one of the most tender boys I know. Recently when we were at the circus with him last week while sitting on my mothers lap he turned he face to her and smiled as he gentley touched her cheek. I definitely started tearing up. It is so loving, and to see him just stop to look at his nana that way. It also made me look at my mother differently. We have become so close these past few years and I am so thankful for that. However somehow Ruth Marie having Isaac changed us all inside. I feel closer to my sister and my entire family since we have been blessed with him. He puts hope in my heart when sometimes I don't have it. I can be having a bad day and talk to my sister on the phone and she has him say "Hi Auntie Tara" and it changes my mood instantly. He is our little angel. I look at him and can not imagine how much I will love my own child someday. The love I have to Isaac overflows.
We as a family are blessed. I only hope to someday know the joy of motherhood and to share that with an amazing man. It is all out there for me, within my reach. I know I am ready for it when it does finally get here.
*******************************
Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali
Monday, April 27, 2009
Because I have to say this
Old Friend,
I had been thinking about the email you sent in January. I wish I was heartless and could say that this does not still hurt me emmensely to read. That hearing you say the things that you did makes me angry. I have always been there for you, through your heartbreaks in life, been supportive when you had issues with your family etc. However in life no one is perfect, and we all can not be the friend you want 100% of the time. That is just how it goes.
For you to throw in the towel because I expressed anger and disappointment on things that were done is sad. I think in the long run something you will regret doing. I really believe that you made a HUGE mistake with the email you sent me. I was beyond hurt and if you truly wanted to end a friendship that lasted as long as ours, to email was really sad. I feel it made it seem like it was not a hard thing for you to do. That I was easy to discard.
I honestly in my heart would like to think that someday we will be in each others lives again, that the women I loved so dearly is in there somewhere, and realizes that throwing away the kind of friendship we had was a mistake, however I dont believe that is true right now.
I think about you a few times a week and still read your blog. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and will always miss the girl that I caused trouble with in my 20s and grew into a women with. That women I will always cherish and hold close to my heart.
~ Tara
I had been thinking about the email you sent in January. I wish I was heartless and could say that this does not still hurt me emmensely to read. That hearing you say the things that you did makes me angry. I have always been there for you, through your heartbreaks in life, been supportive when you had issues with your family etc. However in life no one is perfect, and we all can not be the friend you want 100% of the time. That is just how it goes.
For you to throw in the towel because I expressed anger and disappointment on things that were done is sad. I think in the long run something you will regret doing. I really believe that you made a HUGE mistake with the email you sent me. I was beyond hurt and if you truly wanted to end a friendship that lasted as long as ours, to email was really sad. I feel it made it seem like it was not a hard thing for you to do. That I was easy to discard.
I honestly in my heart would like to think that someday we will be in each others lives again, that the women I loved so dearly is in there somewhere, and realizes that throwing away the kind of friendship we had was a mistake, however I dont believe that is true right now.
I think about you a few times a week and still read your blog. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and will always miss the girl that I caused trouble with in my 20s and grew into a women with. That women I will always cherish and hold close to my heart.
~ Tara
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter and saying goodbye
This weekend was bitter sweet for me. Saturday night my band played and it was also a going away party for my brother. He leaves on Friday to head to Arizona for school and I will miss him. I know he will only be gone for a little while, but I will miss him. He has never lived out of state, so this will be new to me. I am used to having my immediate family here. It is so strange to not have them all here now.
It was nice to surprose him. Overall it was a wonderful night. Then we spent Easter at my moms. She made a delicious Lasagna and a roast chicken. It was so good to spend time with the family. My nephew is getting so big and I just adore him.
Over all things are looking up lately. I feel refreshed and look forward to an amazing Spring and Summer.
It was nice to surprose him. Overall it was a wonderful night. Then we spent Easter at my moms. She made a delicious Lasagna and a roast chicken. It was so good to spend time with the family. My nephew is getting so big and I just adore him.
Over all things are looking up lately. I feel refreshed and look forward to an amazing Spring and Summer.
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