Speechless

I sat down last night to blog, and nothing. For the first time I feel that I have nothing to blog about. Not that my mind is not going in so many different direction, but perhaps I have so much going on I dont even know where to begin.

I had an interesting weekend. A weekend that made me evaluate once again my life and decisions. Do I over react, expect things to go a certain way instead of just letting them happen. Perhaps! I know I overanalyze alot, I guess I just want to have some control over my life. I know that is crazy, because none of us have control over anything really.

Am I sorry for ways I have reacted? I guess that is a loaded question. I think things happen for a reason. I am not sure if I want to say I regret things I have done. I hope that they allow me to react different next time. I am a passionate and emotional person and I tend to sometimes act on my feelings, be it disappointment, anger, sadness, anxiety. I know that is not always best, but sometimes you can not see the forest through the trees. That is life. It happens. I guess we hope that the people in our lives, the ones that really care about us, can see through that, and meet us halfway sometimes.

I expect those that are truly in my life for a reason to call me on things, tell me when I overreact or treat them a certain way. Sometimes my pride gets in the way, but I welcome the ones that really want me in there lives to call me out, tell me I was wrong.

I dont want to live my life with my fears that come from my past. I want a clean road to the future I deserve. I dont want to leave casualties in my wake.

I guess sometimes I need to swallow my pride and say I was wrong. That is a lesson I am not sure I have learned yet. I am trying. I think for me I have a hard time forgiving myself for the mistakes in my past. I need to do that though, and move on with my life.

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“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”