Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

I don't know what it is exactly, but I just love Christmas time. Could it be because I live in New England and the cold weather just lends itself to the "real" feel of the holidays coming and then the lights and trees start going up all around you and you have no escape from it? Could it be the music and the Christmas decorations that miraculously appear now up to two weeks before Thanksgiving? Possibly a bit of that brings it out in me.

Although I remember loving Christmas as a child, the feeling I would get Christmas Eve when we would get one present to open, and it was always a new pair of PJ's to wear. It was a small tradition my mother started and it was always expected. Then we would go to bed and stare at the ceiling trying to go to sleep, but knowing that Santa was on his way gave us a rush that slumber could not touch. No matter how much sleep you did or did not get you would jump out of bed at some ungodly hour and run to the living room that had overnight transformed into this magical and beautiful land of perfectly wrapped packages that sparkled under the glow of the tree. The milk we left for Santa would be almost gone and one lonely half eaten cookie would be on the plate. All of these things let us know that Santa had enjoyed his visit in the Fitzpatrick home. Over the years as all things do, things changed as we grew, however the magic of what Christmas was always stayed in my heart.

As I got older I also learned more about what the holiday was to my family and the struggles that came with making Christmas special for us. I saw how hard my mother and father worked to provide for us and to make sure that we had the presents under the tree. However I also learned just how much faith my mother had and that it was just not about Santa and the presents, but about Jesus and our Christian faith. All of these things molded who I am today and allow me to continue to see the beauty in this world even though it does get clouded with all that is around us from time to time. This time of year is a time for us to reflect on all that we have, to spend time with those that we love and to cherish every moment. It is not a surprise to me that my nana passed away shortly after Christmas from cancer when I was 18. I cannot think of a more beautiful time of year to peacefully leave this world.
As I look forward to Christmas this year and reflect on all that I have and the abundance of blessings in my life, I will remember that even without the lights, and Christmas carols and presents wrapped under the tree that the joy in my heart is something I can take with me throughout the year. That Christmas cheer can be an everyday occurrence.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

New days ahead

So new things are all around me. The leaves are changing and my view from day to day has changed a bit as well. I have a fabulous man in my life, amazing friends, and family that is always there for me. My brothers engagement party was this weekend and we got to meet Sreela's parents who live in California. That was so wonderful, her mother Trina is an absolute delight. It is amazing to think that in May Sreela will be my sister. I get to see my baby brother get married, and it makes me so ridiculously happy! He has come a long way and I am so proud of him and his recent accomplishments.
I am working in Boston again or Cambridge to be more exact and although the commute is not the best in the world I feel really good about this decision and where it could lead. I think in general I am looking at life a lot differently and really wanting to enjoy each day and live to the fullest. I want to try and risk more and see where this path will lead me. I need to remind myself that I am in control of my life and of where I end up. Looking forward to the end of this year and the start of 2011, I am sure it will bring more amazing things my way!

Endless night

The summer sun was slipping slowly as the cool breeze ushered in to end the day.
The ocean always did sound so peaceful at night, sometimes it was hard to know if it was the sounds of the water crashing on the rocks or the beating of my heart that I could hear. I always found this to be the time of day when my thoughts were clearest. I wish I could bottle this moment and take it out on a day when the world is full of needless noise. The feeling of the sand under my feet, laughing to myself as it tickles my toes, the old sweatshirt that no matter how old it gets is always a comfort as the evening cools. It is a night like this that I wish time would stop and allow me to soak it in as long as my little heart desires.

*******************************
If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance. ~Bern Williams

My thoughts

Today my thoughts lean towards earlier years and decisions I made. I realize 34 is still really young, but I am feeling my age today. I am seeing friends marry, and friends that have been married have children. It all brings to light how fast life is moving now. I have amazing people in my life, great friends, amazing family. Will I be a mother someday? Perhaps. Will I allow if I am not to define me? Never! I wont let status of what I have or have not define my future. I think my life is exactly as planned, and I look forward to what it brings along. I do sometimes allow myself to get sad and dwell, however that is truly only human and to not let that happen would make me a robot. I think I am close to finding peace in the fact that I can not plan out truly what will happen and that there is a thing called destiny that does guide us all. I will never stop wishing for things I do not have, but I guess that is what will make me appreciate it in the long run. Life is a gift and I need to enjoy every moment.

Summertime rolls in....

The summer is upon us, and this time of year always puts a new spring in my step. For some reason waking up to the sun and hearing the birds singing always makes you want to wake and tackle the day. It makes us remember the things we loved about summer as a kid. Despite the obvious, it meant 2 months off to run around town. Also it brought days at the beach, the sound of the ice cream truck, or the taste of soft serve at your favorite spot. It also meant for some of us the crush you had on the boy down the street, and the endless game of "does he like me too". The best thing for me about the summer was being able to spend time with my Nana and Grandad who lived downstairs from us. My nana had the most amazing imagination, and always had this twinkle in her eye. I believe she was an angel, there was a magic I felt when I was with her. She always knew how to put me at ease, she made me feel talented and beautiful. Nana always told me I was special and a creature made perfectly by God. When she passed it only took away the physical interaction. I truly feel everyday since then (almost 16 years) that she is with me. There are times I look to her for guidance still and I grasp a memory or I look at a picture of us and it brings me back to those days. I will still always remember playing the piano in the hallway to hear the door open and see her watching me. The love in her eyes and the joy in her smile as I played on. Summer is magical, and I look forward to having one of the best yet!

*******************************************
I only think of you.....Everytime my heart beats.