The only way to really know...

is to really let it go..

Let it all go, worries, stress, becuase at the end of the day it is all so small. This time of year really brings to my mind how selfish I can be. When I am brought to the reality that I have more then most people and should be thankful for it all and not always be wanting more. The simple things are what matters. I need to be more focused on those around me that are not as fortunate. I used to volunteer alot and now I find that I don't as much as I want. I give to the poor and goodwill, etc, however I really need to get back to volunteering my time again. That is my New Years resolution this year, to give back more. To be more selfless and more socially aware. To be the solution and not just another person that pretends to not see.

And then there was one...

It happened, this past Thanksgiving weekend, my brother surprised us all by proposing to his girlfriend. Sreela is so lovely and we all adore her, so this was fantastic news. However it did make me pout a bit as I am older and still have not found my life partner. I am not worried though, nor do I have any sense of urgency there. I understand timing in life is everything, and there is someone so special out there for me that it is worth the wait. Finding someone that can be a part of my crazy life and me be a part of theirs is going to be truly amazing. I see so many unhealthy relationships around me and I know that marriage is hard. I almost married the wrong man, and it would have ended in divorce. I am older and smarter now and know what it truly takes to make a relationship work. I don't need a man to make my life complete, I have a complete life. I want to have someone to share it with. A person that just adds to what I already have going on. Someone that brings something different to the table, that I can learn from as well as them learning from me.

All of this brings me to my new theme song. Yes, my Ally McBeal moments still happen.

Haven't met you yet: Michael Buble

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Thanksgiving

What a wonderful day with family! My brother surprising my mom was awesome and made me so happy to see her smile like that. It was a truly relaxing day full of laughs and catching up on life. I am thankful this year for wonderful family and amazing friends that make life so joyful. I am blessed to have a job, a place to live and so much to be grateful for. I will remember this time of year and always to keep in mind those that do not have all that I do. This is the time of year we notice the less fortunate more then ever. Lets try and be mindful of the world around us as we thank God for all that we have, may we also ask he be there for those that are not as blessed.

And it happened..

Death came knocking at her door. Today was the day she had been dreading for the last 6 months. She tried to tell herself it wouldn't happen, but she knew that unless some miracle happened that she would be staring death right in the face. Her heart raced knowing that from this moment on her life would change. Yes, it is true that the last 6 months her life had changed in more ways then she ever thought possible, but she knew that the finality of it all would be something that would affect her very core. The fear, anxiety and sadness all seemed to mix together and she felt like a switch, with her mood changing on a daily basis. Seeing her Nana dwindle was the hardest part of all of this. Once full of life and more energy then she sometimes had, her Nana always kept her guessing and was full of sweet surprises. To say she was inspiring would be an understatement, as the affects of the years we spent together are still present in my everyday life. But today, as she saw the laughing faces of family around the table that had seen so many womderful moments, she knew that only a floor away, her Nana was losing the battle. Of course Nana was going to be at peace, and most of all she was going to be with God. To her there was not better joy in death then to be with her maker. Her heart was true to her faith in ways that to this day amaze me. Even with her passing imminent her spirit was full. We all held hands as I heard the sound of her devotional CD in the background, my grandfather so gently touching her cheek, the love in his eyes more powerful then I have ever seen. Those moments seemed to pass so slowly. Hearing the words "she has passed on" and the sounds of our voices as we prayed the Our Father together as a family. Then the most beautiful combination of voices as we sang Amazing Grace as the matriarch or our beloved family finally was no longer in pain.

Peace

I had such a wonderful weekend. It started out with dinner with a really wonderful person and then off to North Conway with my best friend Heather on Saturday AM. We stayed Saturday night at the most beautiful place I have seen in a long time. The Mount Washington Hotel, it was so peaceful and beautiful up there, and seeing Mount Washington from the amazing wrap around porch was breathtaking. We sat on the couch in the gigantic lobby and had hot cider and chocolate chip cookies. It was the rest and relaxation I needed. I told Heather I definitely could get used to it. I had always wanted to stay there and it definitely lived up to the expectations and then some, all weekend I kept saying that I could not believe how beautiful it was. I want to get back there for a long weekend soon! Maybe next time I can take advantage of how romantic it really is :).

I had a deep tissue massage on Sunday which I desparately needed due to my back spasms. I think I am not sold on massages. It was really amazing. I am so glad I went. It was also great time to really connect with Heather. We don't always get good quality time together, so it was nice. Her husband was lovely to lend her to me! :)

Some pictures below:







I definitely needed to get away and regroup. It felt really nice to just be up there with the views and the fresh air. I love taking time to just enjoy what is around me, and you don't always get that with the day to day rush of life. I am thankful for those moments, becuase they really bring me back to what is important.