Is it the rain.. the lack of sleep..?

Ugh.. not sure what it is. I am beat, a long week and a few late nights have caught up with my normally jovial self to put me in an end of week funk. Should have been in bed at 9 last night, but after playing with my cats so they would not drive me absolutely bonkers again, I laid in bed and just stared at the ceiling, all sorts of things running through my mind. Anxiety was crazy, and I dont think there was one thing that was driving that for me. I just felt overwhelmed with some things, and I think allowed myself to dwell on thoughts that are idiotic. I know we all have our days and moments, so I am just trudging through this hoping it passes.

This is my birthday weekend. I turn 33 on Sunday. It is also Fathers day which always puts a pit in my stomach. I would love to have a relationship with my dad that others envy, however that was just never in the cards for me and my siblings. I know that I will always love him becuase he gave me the gift of life, however that is where it ends and it makes me sad. Especially when I have to share my birthday every few years with that day when most are celebrating there dad and how wonderful he was. Dont get me wrong, my father had moments when we were younger, but it saddens me to no end that he is just not someone I want to be around. I know I should just see it as being something that is, however it is hard.

So on top of another year older and it always bumming me out a bit, I have that as another thing to deal with. I will enjoy time at my sisters on my birthday, but with my father there it will feel a little stressful as well. I will try and focus on the positive and seeing my nephew will be awesome too.

I am however looking forward to tomorrow night and getting to celebrate my birthday with some awesome friends. I love the people around me and in my life. They always remind me of just how lucky I am.

Don't get me wrong, I may be in a funk today and feeling a bit crappy, but my life is great. I have really amazing family and friends, someone special to share my birthday with this year. Overall life is really good. So, I will get through this rainy day and spend the evening with some retail shoe therapy and all will be well with the world.

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