Everything

I stole this from another blog I read and under it was simply posted "Because it is". This resonated with me today, so I wanted to post it on my blog. Everything will be okay. Life is a neverending journey! Enjoy the ride.

Slowing down

PHEW! It has been a crazy few weeks full of good times and some not so fun times in my life. However it all has a positive spin so we will focus on that. My baby brother got married on May 1st! It was a weekend full of new traditions and old. My brother married a wonderful woman who's family is from India, so we got to be a little immersed in that culture throughout the weekend. I even got to wear a sari, and I have to say I have never felt more beautiful. It was so amazing to see how tender my brothers heart is and to see how deeply in love he and his beautiful bride are. I can only wish to have a love like that someday. It was so nice to celebrate the journey they have taken together with all of my loved ones. I will remember that weekend always!
I also moved into my new apartment this past Saturday and I am slowly making it my own. I just wish the genie that unpacks boxes would hurry up and get there! I also recorded on my phone a blog that I will post once I have Internet set up there. I got my iPhone recorder and turned it on and while sitting on the floor of my new living room the day before I moved, just me and a beer, I recorded how I was feeling in that moment. I think I need to do that more. I find I can express myself better when I can just talk freely.
This journey over the last 3 weeks has been interesting, painful, eye opening and liberating all at once. I am where I am for a reason, I wish I did not have to go through this, but it has made me stronger and I feel confident about my path and the future. I need to take responsibility for the choices I made, learn from them and be a better person because of them.

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If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
~ Maya Angelou

Roller Coaster

I have been wanting to blog since my last entry and just have felt at a loss. It is not that I don't know what to say it is more my feelings are constantly changing lately. I guess I can start with I am looking forward to my move on Saturday. Bittersweet as it is, it is moving on and starting over and that is never a bad thing. I posted a quote on my facebook page yesterday: “I can be changed by what happens to me. but I refuse to be reduced by it.” It is a great quote by one of my favorite writers/poets Maya Angelou. It truly speaks volumnes to how I feel right now. You are changed by what happens to you in life, the good and the bad. However it is what we do with that change that matters. How am I feeling today? Well I guess there is not one emotion I am feeling, they are all entertwined. So I won't list them but I will merely say that I am holding onto the positive ones and trying to let the negative feelings fall away. I cannot look back and think about the 'what ifs', I simply need to move forward to the 'what will be's'. Hang on to the old cliche that everything happens for a reason and take each day as it comes. I want to embrace where I am going, nothing in life is a failure, it is a lesson learned.

The process of healing

Sometimes things just don't work. Now comes the process of healing. I truly did not expect to be feeling this good and this hopeful, but it seems life had other plans for me. This has all been a blessing to me. I am hopeful that the direction of my life is where it should be. Taking chances in life is not a bad thing, I have no regrets. I look at every moment in my life as a precious opportunity to learn more about who I am and what I am looking for in life. It is growth that is needed, even though not always welcomed. I said to someone the other day that you need the rain to truly enjoy the sunshine. I believe that will all of my heart. It is these moments in my life that I find open my eyes to so many other things I may not have seen. This journey I have been on has been a gift and I will learn from it, not hold it as a negative memory in my heart, but as a moment of my life that needed to happen.

Long sigh and a deep breath

It has been a long and not so fun few days for me. There are things going on, in my life and in my mind, and mostly in my heart that have me sad, confused, hopeful, scared and a whole myriad of other emotions. It has my mind playing out many different scenarios and trying to decide what is the best path to take. It is also during these times in my life that I dream crazy dreams, about packing it all up and moving to a small village in Italy (lets keep in mind I don't even speak Italian), or working on a cruise ship, singing in one of there over the top corny shows while men in funny Hawaiian shirts dances around with his wife. It makes me go back over the past 10/20 years and think about all the decisions that I have made. It has me closing my eyes so tight and hoping that if I click my heels I can be back in my Nana's living room, writing poetry and talking about life. What would she say to me right now if she was here, what would her advice be. Would she tell me what to do or simply speak some words of wisdom that would not make sense to me at the time but would be exactly what I needed to hear when I look back. I think there will always be moments in my life where I wish I had the ruby slippers that magically brought be home. Home - a funny word, it is one that I hope someday means what it did to me back then.

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"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned" Maya Angelou