Teatime

What is it...

2012-01-30T22:14:00.003-05:00

What is it about you that makes me stop and take a deep breath? Something about the way you say my name feels like home to me. You breath new life into me and make me want to be a better women. Life is so funny, I lose one thing and then I take a chance and gain something that I did not even see coming. You have caught me off guard, brightened my world and made me see and feel something I have been afraid of for a long time. We have only just met, but I laugh louder, smile wider, and dream bigger then I have in a long time. You amaze me! Thank you!

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Something in your eyes erases my fear
When you touch me the world disappears
You renew me

Something in your voice makes my hear beat fast
When you sing to me it's the sweetest sound I've heard
You consume me

Something in your kiss is intoxicating
You linger on my lips until they meet again
You make me feel alive

Something about us feels safe and warm
Your embrace reminds me of what I was missing
You are home to me

~ TF

Merry Merry

2011-12-16T11:16:00.003-05:00

I know it has been a long time since my last blog. BAD GIRL! Well here I am, it is December 16th and I should be all Merry Merry, Fa la la la, but I am not truly in the holiday spirit this year. Don't get me wrong I am allowing the positive to shine through, however I am having a harder time doing that this year. I came into work after a wonderful Thanksgiving with my amazing family to find out that I was losing my job. I work for a start up so these things can happen, I was just not expecting it. I think the hardest part was that I truly love where I am working and the people I am working with. It is really daunting thinking about interviewing again and looking to find a place that will be as close to a good fit as I have had in my current position. I know it is possible, it is just all a tad overwhelming right now.

I think though that I am in a good place emotionally to be able to put it all in perspective. There is that old and oh so annoying saying "Everything happens for a reason" and funny enough I truly do believe that. I know that what is happening right now is mean to be, that this is a hurdle I will have to overcome and it could be a time for me to figure it all out.

Stay tuned!

The Joys of Dating

2011-11-04T13:04:00.002-04:00

An email like this is what makes dating such a pain in the tosh! After letting a guy I had been on one date with (yes, you heard that right, only one date) know I was not interested or at least not in the level he was, I got this response:

"Ah yes.... Grass is greener syndrome.... Always something better out there... Why date a nice guy in front of you if there is someone better out there... It's a lonely existence because there is ALWAYS someone better. If you are not ready for something serious... Maybe a "friendship" website would be better for you than a "dating" website.... Just saying...

If you are not sure what you want, then why waste your time and guys time and I wish you hadn't wasted mine.

By the way... You drank too much on the first date and you were overly obnoxious by the end of the night at the bar.... I took it as nerves and was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt...
I had fun, but you are too flighty. Best of luck.... I think....
Your loss sweetheart!
:-)"

Wow, talk about all over the place. Let me address a few things in his response. First of all I had exactly two glasses of wine, one with dinner and one at the bar after. Me being obnoxious was my outgoing personality and joking with the bartender. Now most that know me, know that I am a goof, and sometimes a bit off color. I am used to socializing because I sing in a band and am always interacting with people. It is really humorous to me how when someones feelings are hurt they can resort to saying mean things. At least I know that my feelings about him were spot on and that I am lucky it was only one date. Aren't I so lucky that he wanted to "give me the benefit of the doubt". Wow what a charming man! The sad part is if I responded with wanting to go out with him again he would have been more then happy to go out with me again. This is a guy that was texting everyday and would even text 4 times in a row without any response from me. I think perhaps I need to not be so nice and just say. Thank you, but no thank you and move on a lot faster.

Fall into life

2011-10-18T11:43:00.003-04:00

It is your choice. Embrace life or constantly be in a battle with it. We are here for a limited amount of time, we never know the day our life might end. That is not meant as a negative, it simply means that we should chose to go the right way with our choices. What is right? No one can tell you what is right for you or how you should feel, however we all know that when it comes to making a choice that there are normally two pretty solid choices. I just want to make the right choice even when it is the hard decision. A friend recently has come to a conclusion that one of her "friends" really isn't one. It is hurtful to find out that someone you cared about has no regard for your feelings and that the energy you had put into that friendship was not and will never be reciprocated. She could lash out nasty or she could be the bigger person and move forward. She is choosing to move forward. That is not always the easiest to do, and I applaud her for it. I am not sure I could do the same thing. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and know that no amount of what we say to someone will change their actions toward us. At the end of the day it is a ride, and we have to enjoy it. It will get us nowhere being miserable. I don't live with no regrets, I have regrets. Having regrets is not a bad thing, I think we learn to move forward and try not to repeat those moments. This is the journey you have been put on and never take it for granted.

Time goes by fast

2011-09-29T12:03:00.002-04:00

I know it had been a month since my last blog. I guess time just goes by so fast and there are times I just really do not know what to write on here. I am going through what I think is a great stage. It is a stage that comes with lots of different emotions, which equal some sad days, but overall I am happy, and content and finally getting that working on ME is my number one priority. Learning to fully accept the person I am and knowing that those that are in my life love who I am, even with my quirks although it is not as easy as I thought it would be. It has become my daily goal to feel good about the person I am and what I offer to the world around me. I am learning to focus on what I truly need and not so much what I want. Taking the time to appreciate where I am and know that perhaps the things I have been fighting so badly to have keep me from truly recognizing all the things that I do have. We all hear the cliches that are out there on when you are not looking for something is when it happens. Well I have to agree with that one, because I am always looking and wondering and it keeps me from really embracing the now. The power of my life as it is today. What keeps me from moving forward with true acceptance of the women I have become? These are all daily questions and I am in a mode of self renewal and some really good soul searching. I am trying to learn to be more open, to discover what is out there that I may have overlooked and to just for once ask me what I want in my heart, what will make me feel fully present and aware in my life. I am loving this outlook and it has already made me look at certain things with a new pair of eyes. More to come as I move forward on this path.

2011-08-29T15:54:00.002-04:00

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

This little guy brings me back to reality and reminds me that I am blessed to have such an amazing, caring and sweet Nephew. I love this little guy with all of my heart! Sometimes I feel like it is going to burst it is so full!

2011-08-25T14:29:00.002-04:00

Life moves so quickly sometimes. I look around and friends get married, have children, then you are at there children's first birthday parties. I don't think it really hit me how fast things were moving until my best friend got pregnant, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks when she gave birth to them a few weeks ago. She had twins, and they were early (were not due until late September), so they were little peanuts and they have had to be in the NICU to get the proper care they need. I went to visit them last Sunday and it was so amazing to see how those tiny little bodies curled up on there mom and dads chests. She was blessed with a boy and a girl, so in essence she has the perfect little family. Ronan Kye and Adaira Skye were born on August 16th and Heather and Matt's worlds changed forever. It is amazing to me how two precious babies can completely change your life. To see them with there babies is heartwarming and to hear Matt talking to his daughter is such a beautiful thing. I look at Heather in such a new light. She is a mom now, her priorities completely changed. I miss her a bit right now, I am not going to lie, we can't have our phone conversations every few days like we did before because she is dedicated almost every moment to what is going on with the babies. I am looking forward to heading up there next Friday to stay over and spend sometime with her and the twins. It will be great for her and I to have some time to connect.

I am also not going to say there is not a big part of me that feels left out a tad as I am not anywhere near being a mother myself. However if I look at this in a positive way, I have lots of time to practice and learn from those around me. I sit back and wonder what it will be like someday when I have a child of my own, how I am going to be pregnant and what bringing life into this world will be like. I can only imagine from all those that I have seen that is it something there are not words for.

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"The soul is healed by being with children."

Oh Baby!

2011-08-16T13:48:00.001-04:00

My best friend is currently in labor with her first children. She is having twins and I am beside myself giddy and nervous etc. I cannot wait to meet those precious little ones. Of course I will have to wait at least until the weekend as they brought her all the way to Portland, Maine as both hospitals closer to her did not have room in the NICU. So that really stinks, but it is probably best that I give it to the weekend, I am sure it will be nuts for a bit there. But can I just say YAY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been awhile

2011-08-02T09:43:00.004-04:00

Yes, I know it had been awhile since I have blogged. It is funny, I find that I have a lot to say but when I sit in front of this screen sometimes I don't know where to start, and then I stare blankly at the screen, type a few sentences and then delete what I just wrote. It seems that I get writers block because all of the thoughts in my head get all jumbled together and I am not sure what I want to talk about. I know my thoughts jumbled? CRAZY huh! :)

Lately I have been feeling lots of different emotions. Mostly I do feel blessed to have a job that I truly enjoy and to be surrounded by great friends and family. I am not going to lie and say there isn't something missing. I do feel a void of companionship and the longing to share my life with someone. Although it has changed this past few months where I do appreciate being single. It allows me time to become more self aware. I feel I am learning a lot about who I am lately. It is not all good as I am not perfect, but it all helps me to define better who I am and what I need in my life. I know that the outcome of taking the time I need and not just jumping into a relationship because I am lonely is a good thing. I am looking for more this time around. I just want to keep enjoying each day as it comes and being open to what will be. I want to always see my cup as half full and not always be wanting for what I do not have. It will all come in good time and when it is supposed to. I have a full and amazing life, and I am beyond thankful!

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“Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason.”

2011-07-19T15:34:00.002-04:00

“Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

I normally do not like the clique that is tied to an Oprah quote, but another blogger that I follow had posted this and for some reason today it resonated with me loudly. The right to chose your path.. a very interesting phrase in itself, but then you add on that it is a sacred privilege and that makes it seem all that more of a strong statement. You have the freedom to chose this path in life, the one that you walk along, sure we do not always have control over the things that can deviate us from the path, however we have the choice to follow it. This is amazing to me that we are living in a world where we have the freedom. Not everyone can look at that quote and fully agree or relate with it. There are cultures where you do not have that choice. We live in the United States and are truly blessed to be able to really own the meaning of choice. I love that, and I love this quote today!

Hot days are here

2011-07-06T11:30:00.003-04:00

Summer has officially hit, the hot weather the past few days has been crazy, and the sun has been shining. It is here and if we blink we will probably miss it. I went to the beach yesterday with my lovely friend Crystal and it was so nice to be outside and enjoying the weather. I made sure I reapplied sunblock every 30 minutes and only got one tiny area sunburned, I must have missed it or the water washed it away. However I am so proud that my first beach day did not result in a sunburn where I could not move for days. I don't need a tan that bad that I let myself burn. I am looking forward to a full summer. I just love being able to be outside all the time. If I don't enjoy it before I know it we will be knee deep in snow again. Ugh, just the thought kills me. I do love the seasons however so I will take it!

Blue Mood

2011-06-23T11:11:00.003-04:00

I don't know where my head is this week. Lots of thoughts are running through my head. I feel kind of stuck in a strange funk. Could it be turning 35 this week that has me in a bit of a mood. I am sure that is part of it. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the past and decisions I have made. I am not having regrets, because I really do believe it is what has made me who I am today. I just feel myself drawn back to certain moments in my life, and people from my past. I am analyzing a lot of how things went and taking time to soul search and perhaps work on how I deal with things and mainly my emotions and reactions when dealing with things. I think we are always evolving who we are and who we want to be. I definitely have been looking into how I process things and also how I deal with certain situations. I am stubborn and that is something I admit fully, although I still have a hard time learning how to not be. I will hold back thoughts and feelings and not express how I feel until it hits a boiling point and that is not healthy. I always thought I was a good communicator, however perhaps we all think we are. I need to focus on making that better moving forward. I am lucky though, I have the ability to look above this funk and know that it will pass. I just have to power through this blue moment and know that I will be better when I come out of it.

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That's one of the peculiar things about bad moods - we often fool ourselves and create misery by telling ourselves things that simply are not true.
David D. Burns

Words

2011-06-16T10:07:00.003-04:00

I want to write words. Words that make people think, smile, laugh. Words that engage people in conversations that they normally would not have had. Words that allow people to grow and see a side of themselves they never have before. Words that inspire and fill peoples hearts with joy. Words that allow people to cry happy tears. I don't want to engage in negative words, I do not want to hurt people with words, or use words to make them feel less then who they truly are. Words should teach us, lead us and bring us to a place of peace. I want to love the words that I put out into this world and hope that those words come back to me in love. Words are powerful and I want to use them in a positive way. I want words to heal me, teach me patience and allow me to be a better part of what makes this world turn.

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Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.
~ Buddha

Take these

2011-06-15T14:43:00.004-04:00

Take these beautiful memories
use them when days are dark and you feel like you can't breathe
Take this laughter
release it when you can't seem to find yours

Remember the music
When the silence in your heart is deafening
Believe in tomorrow
When today is just to much to bare

Listen to the wind
It is a reminder that everything will pass someday

~ TF

Perfection

2011-06-03T15:10:00.002-04:00

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

— Bob Marley

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I saw this on another blog I follow and I found it so utterly true and even though it is something that logically makes sense and is obvious it is nice to read as a reminder. I am not in love right now, nor am even I close to being in love, but I want to always remember when I do find a beautiful soul to give my love to that there is no perfect person. I like to say that I want to find a man that finds perfection in my imperfections. There is something to what my Nana always told me when she spoke of unconditional love and that in that lies the secret to being able to be with someone and give yourself completely. I don't want to change the man I love someday, I want to celebrate our differences and adore each other in spite of the things that are not always so great. Isn't there something to be said for being with someone that makes you want to be better, but loves you right where you are?

Be Happy

2011-05-24T09:54:00.002-04:00

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."

2011-05-20T10:19:00.006-04:00

As she looked at the rain falling outside, she wished for the sun. The way it would sneak in and flood her bedroom with natural light in the morning. It did not matter if her blinds were closed, it always found a way to gently touch the room. The way that no matter how she felt in her heart, when she walked into that light it would make her feel alive. Something about the way it touched her face allowed her to breathe deeper, to embrace the day and whatever was going to come her way. The simplicity of a sunny day, there would never be anything that amazed her more. However on the rainy days she is also reminded of how we sometimes need the rain to make things new. That the rain was there to clean things off, so that when the sun did shine again we would realize the beauty once again. Sometimes all we need is a quick thunderstorm to usher in and other times it takes a three day rainstorm. However when it passes we feel renewed and ready to conquer all that comes are way. She smiled and walked out into the rain and splashed in the puddles knowing that the sun always shines again.

Be yourself

2011-05-18T09:24:00.002-04:00

Oh how I love Dr. Suess. Little did I know when loving his books as a child I would realize just how much wisdom he had!

Raindrops keep fallin...

2011-05-17T08:47:00.003-04:00

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."
~ Billie Holiday

It's Monday again

2011-05-16T14:34:00.002-04:00

Its funny how Monday mornings sneak up on us. Although I am actually glad to be working as the weather is really cruddy lately. I have to say that I had a wonderful weekend. I just feel so great about life and about the decisions I have made over the last month. I feel stronger then ever, but I have also refocused on the positive, and really am leaving the past behind me. I feel alive, free, and energized for the days ahead. I have a bright outlook on life, and I am so thankful for the friends and family in my life that always remind me of what is important. Mostly I am grateful for the love they provide me. Even though it is gloomy out I find myself smiling for no reason and truly overwhelmed with happiness.

Guess what?

2011-05-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

It's FRIDAY! Whoop!

Everything

2011-05-11T12:02:00.003-04:00

I stole this from another blog I read and under it was simply posted "Because it is". This resonated with me today, so I wanted to post it on my blog. Everything will be okay. Life is a neverending journey! Enjoy the ride.

Slowing down

2011-05-10T11:21:00.004-04:00

PHEW! It has been a crazy few weeks full of good times and some not so fun times in my life. However it all has a positive spin so we will focus on that. My baby brother got married on May 1st! It was a weekend full of new traditions and old. My brother married a wonderful woman who's family is from India, so we got to be a little immersed in that culture throughout the weekend. I even got to wear a sari, and I have to say I have never felt more beautiful. It was so amazing to see how tender my brothers heart is and to see how deeply in love he and his beautiful bride are. I can only wish to have a love like that someday. It was so nice to celebrate the journey they have taken together with all of my loved ones. I will remember that weekend always!
I also moved into my new apartment this past Saturday and I am slowly making it my own. I just wish the genie that unpacks boxes would hurry up and get there! I also recorded on my phone a blog that I will post once I have Internet set up there. I got my iPhone recorder and turned it on and while sitting on the floor of my new living room the day before I moved, just me and a beer, I recorded how I was feeling in that moment. I think I need to do that more. I find I can express myself better when I can just talk freely.
This journey over the last 3 weeks has been interesting, painful, eye opening and liberating all at once. I am where I am for a reason, I wish I did not have to go through this, but it has made me stronger and I feel confident about my path and the future. I need to take responsibility for the choices I made, learn from them and be a better person because of them.

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If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
~ Maya Angelou

Roller Coaster

2011-05-04T13:37:00.004-04:00

I have been wanting to blog since my last entry and just have felt at a loss. It is not that I don't know what to say it is more my feelings are constantly changing lately. I guess I can start with I am looking forward to my move on Saturday. Bittersweet as it is, it is moving on and starting over and that is never a bad thing. I posted a quote on my facebook page yesterday: “I can be changed by what happens to me. but I refuse to be reduced by it.” It is a great quote by one of my favorite writers/poets Maya Angelou. It truly speaks volumnes to how I feel right now. You are changed by what happens to you in life, the good and the bad. However it is what we do with that change that matters. How am I feeling today? Well I guess there is not one emotion I am feeling, they are all entertwined. So I won't list them but I will merely say that I am holding onto the positive ones and trying to let the negative feelings fall away. I cannot look back and think about the 'what ifs', I simply need to move forward to the 'what will be's'. Hang on to the old cliche that everything happens for a reason and take each day as it comes. I want to embrace where I am going, nothing in life is a failure, it is a lesson learned.

The process of healing

2011-04-22T08:59:00.003-04:00

Sometimes things just don't work. Now comes the process of healing. I truly did not expect to be feeling this good and this hopeful, but it seems life had other plans for me. This has all been a blessing to me. I am hopeful that the direction of my life is where it should be. Taking chances in life is not a bad thing, I have no regrets. I look at every moment in my life as a precious opportunity to learn more about who I am and what I am looking for in life. It is growth that is needed, even though not always welcomed. I said to someone the other day that you need the rain to truly enjoy the sunshine. I believe that will all of my heart. It is these moments in my life that I find open my eyes to so many other things I may not have seen. This journey I have been on has been a gift and I will learn from it, not hold it as a negative memory in my heart, but as a moment of my life that needed to happen.

Long sigh and a deep breath

2011-04-15T14:32:00.004-04:00

It has been a long and not so fun few days for me. There are things going on, in my life and in my mind, and mostly in my heart that have me sad, confused, hopeful, scared and a whole myriad of other emotions. It has my mind playing out many different scenarios and trying to decide what is the best path to take. It is also during these times in my life that I dream crazy dreams, about packing it all up and moving to a small village in Italy (lets keep in mind I don't even speak Italian), or working on a cruise ship, singing in one of there over the top corny shows while men in funny Hawaiian shirts dances around with his wife. It makes me go back over the past 10/20 years and think about all the decisions that I have made. It has me closing my eyes so tight and hoping that if I click my heels I can be back in my Nana's living room, writing poetry and talking about life. What would she say to me right now if she was here, what would her advice be. Would she tell me what to do or simply speak some words of wisdom that would not make sense to me at the time but would be exactly what I needed to hear when I look back. I think there will always be moments in my life where I wish I had the ruby slippers that magically brought be home. Home - a funny word, it is one that I hope someday means what it did to me back then.

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"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned" Maya Angelou

Small reminders

2011-03-28T11:01:00.005-04:00

I was riding home on the MBTA Sunday morning from a Saturday bachelorette bash for my soon to be sister-in-law and due to a situation on the train had to change cars. I was tired and found the whole thing irritating after a semi sleepless night. However a few stops later when the gentlemen that was seated directly across from me got up, I noticed there was a sticker on the seat. Upon further inspection I noticed that the sticker said "Fall in love all over again". Wow, such a simple statement, but I think I needed to hear that. I was tired, cranky, had a long night and had been dealing with some thoughts going around and around in my head. Seeing that sticker and knowing that someone purposely put it there made me stop and really think about some things. What a simple phrase yet it carried such an amazing message. I thought there must have been a reason I had to move cars and that I sat in that seat. I think we all need a reminder from time to time to fall in love all over again. Yesterday was mine.

Its official!

2011-03-18T13:07:00.002-04:00

I dislike corned beef. I was clear that I did not like cabbage boiled. I do however like a fresh homemade coleslaw or a nice Kimchi, but a boiled dinner is just not for this Irish girl. I do get an A for effort here as I did promise D I would try it again. My mother finds it hysterical since apparently as a child I would eat it all the time. Anyway, I will not be trying that again ever. At 34 I am pretty sure I am not going to ever enjoy it. Luckily my mother defrosted a burger. So I enjoyed my lovely burger with potatoes and carrots! Surprisingly they went very well together! Of course I did have a lovely Guinness as well! MMMmmm it was very tasty. So next year I will stick to foods I like, if D wants a boiled dinner we are going out, I know I could not stomach the smell of cabbage boiling. The thought of it actually turns my tummy right now. I hope everyone had a wonderful Saint Patrick's day.

Saint Paddy's Day

2011-03-17T08:59:00.002-04:00

May the good earth be soft under you
when you rest upon it,
and may it rest easy over you when,
at the last, you lay out under it,
And may it rest so lightly over you
that your soul may be out
from under it quickly,
and up, and off,
And be on its way to God.

Once upon a time

2011-03-16T13:29:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time I believed I had it all figured out, that I knew where my life was going to lead and that by the age of 34, I would already have had the career I always wanted, the amazing (and dashingly handsome) husband, 2 adorable children and a wonderful house overlooking the ocean. I dreamed all of these things in my head, I was (okay I still am a bit) a hopeless romantic. I believed that all people had some good in them no matter how horrid they seemed on the outside. I didn't fear life and what was ahead of me because I thought I had complete control over it. Lets be fair, I am an adult now and I do have control over some things in my life. But ~~sadly~~ unfortunately I still think like a hopeless romantic, and I still dream (even in the daytime) and this leads to me making quick decisions and jumping head first off the pier when sometimes I should just enjoy the view. I find that I get all excited about things and I take off, only to realize to my surprise ~~horror~~ that perhaps I moved to fast in the wrong direction. I guess you could relate it to adding the wrong ingredients to a recipe first and then realizing after the fact that without preparing the recipe the way instructed you ended up with a complete mess on your hands, or at least a recipe that does not taste the way you thought it would. I am not saying that sometimes my moments of making ~~insane~~ rash decisions had not led to some wonderful moments in my life, however ~~most~~ some have left me wondering why I do the things I do. I am a very independent, confident women and have gotten to a place where I am content with who I am. Sure, we all have the normal things we want to change (like the 20 pounds I want to lose), but for the most part I have found peace with the women I have grown into. I know that we will make mistakes in life and take chances that don't always work out the way you thought they would. I just hope that one day I will learn sometimes when you jump, you fall down and go boom. My journey of life has many more chapters left and I like to think those pages will be filled with glorious memories and immeasurable laughter and happy tears, however I know that there will be the chapters I would rather skip right past. I guess my point in this babbling blog is that I see now that sometimes my stubborn nature along with my fairytale thoughts can lead me to make decisions before I truly should be making them. You live and learn, over and over again! At the end of the day we can only make lemonade and continue forward.

Love

2011-02-14T14:48:00.005-05:00

Its Valentines day, and to me it is just a reminder of all the people I have in my life that love me. I am very lucky and extremely blessed for all I have. I am also equally blessed to see my mother happy and in love. There is nothing like hearing about her romantic date with her guy to make me smile! My mother has been a light in my life and to finally see her getting all that she deserves makes me unbelievably happy.

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“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

We tweet therefore we are

2011-01-27T14:59:00.003-05:00

I started with the Farland Group in Cambridge (www.farlandgroup.com)in October of last year and have been on this journey of recognizing just how important social media has become in our world. Twitter is newer to me and honestly I never truly understood the power of it until I took on this position. It truly is a way to share knowledge, stay connected, and to network in a way that is a lot, for lack of a better word, cleaner then Facebook. I am slowly getting my feet wet and learning what to tweet, and/or retweet. It is this magical land of people sharing links to great articles, new restaurants or there old favorites. It can be something as simple as a comment on the day, or a hello, to someone networking looking for a new job. Really there does not seem to be anything that you can not tweet about. I sometimes find the character length to be annoying, however it keeps those of us (ahem) that tend to ramble on a short leash, and teaches us to perhaps learn how to simplify the way we express a thought. I am finding it a tad intimidating, however I am tiptoeing around and peeping in on what my peers are talking about, and hope to catch on rather quickly. If you are a fellow tweeter look me up TFitz_76. Tweet you later :)

Happy New Year 2011

2011-01-06T13:47:00.002-05:00

Another New Year has ushered in. I truly enjoyed my holidays this year, I did not stress about things or worry about where I was going, or who I was seeing. I just allowed myself to enjoy it. If people stole a parking spot or cut me off, I just let it go. I mean it really will do me no good to get upset about it. The holidays tend to cause people to get a little wacky and I just went on my merry way and allowed them to stew in there insanity. I still have my tree up. I am one of those that keep the decorations up through what is called "little Christmas" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Christmas My mother is from Ireland and we always kept our tree up until January 6th. Honestly, and I can not believe I am going to admit this, but I would love to keep my tree up year round. It makes me happy, and makes me smile, and to be truthful I am sure it would get me through a dark and dreary winter alot easier. However it will come down this weekend and go back to hibernation until the holidays are once again upon us.
What are my hopes for the new year? I just hope to continue to count my blessings, to share my life with people that love and care for me and to be as good of a person every day as I can be. Really what more can you ask for in life. Wake up each day and embrace it! We only have one life so we should seize it and live it to the fullest. This year I will chose to do what makes me happy and not always worry about what others around me are thinking. Have a GREAT start to 2011 friends.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

2010-12-15T11:13:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is exactly, but I just love Christmas time. Could it be because I live in New England and the cold weather just lends itself to the "real" feel of the holidays coming and then the lights and trees start going up all around you and you have no escape from it? Could it be the music and the Christmas decorations that miraculously appear now up to two weeks before Thanksgiving? Possibly a bit of that brings it out in me.

Although I remember loving Christmas as a child, the feeling I would get Christmas Eve when we would get one present to open, and it was always a new pair of PJ's to wear. It was a small tradition my mother started and it was always expected. Then we would go to bed and stare at the ceiling trying to go to sleep, but knowing that Santa was on his way gave us a rush that slumber could not touch. No matter how much sleep you did or did not get you would jump out of bed at some ungodly hour and run to the living room that had overnight transformed into this magical and beautiful land of perfectly wrapped packages that sparkled under the glow of the tree. The milk we left for Santa would be almost gone and one lonely half eaten cookie would be on the plate. All of these things let us know that Santa had enjoyed his visit in the Fitzpatrick home. Over the years as all things do, things changed as we grew, however the magic of what Christmas was always stayed in my heart.

As I got older I also learned more about what the holiday was to my family and the struggles that came with making Christmas special for us. I saw how hard my mother and father worked to provide for us and to make sure that we had the presents under the tree. However I also learned just how much faith my mother had and that it was just not about Santa and the presents, but about Jesus and our Christian faith. All of these things molded who I am today and allow me to continue to see the beauty in this world even though it does get clouded with all that is around us from time to time. This time of year is a time for us to reflect on all that we have, to spend time with those that we love and to cherish every moment. It is not a surprise to me that my nana passed away shortly after Christmas from cancer when I was 18. I cannot think of a more beautiful time of year to peacefully leave this world.
As I look forward to Christmas this year and reflect on all that I have and the abundance of blessings in my life, I will remember that even without the lights, and Christmas carols and presents wrapped under the tree that the joy in my heart is something I can take with me throughout the year. That Christmas cheer can be an everyday occurrence.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

New days ahead

2010-10-15T09:20:00.002-04:00

So new things are all around me. The leaves are changing and my view from day to day has changed a bit as well. I have a fabulous man in my life, amazing friends, and family that is always there for me. My brothers engagement party was this weekend and we got to meet Sreela's parents who live in California. That was so wonderful, her mother Trina is an absolute delight. It is amazing to think that in May Sreela will be my sister. I get to see my baby brother get married, and it makes me so ridiculously happy! He has come a long way and I am so proud of him and his recent accomplishments.
I am working in Boston again or Cambridge to be more exact and although the commute is not the best in the world I feel really good about this decision and where it could lead. I think in general I am looking at life a lot differently and really wanting to enjoy each day and live to the fullest. I want to try and risk more and see where this path will lead me. I need to remind myself that I am in control of my life and of where I end up. Looking forward to the end of this year and the start of 2011, I am sure it will bring more amazing things my way!

Endless night

2010-06-30T10:50:00.005-04:00

The summer sun was slipping slowly as the cool breeze ushered in to end the day.
The ocean always did sound so peaceful at night, sometimes it was hard to know if it was the sounds of the water crashing on the rocks or the beating of my heart that I could hear. I always found this to be the time of day when my thoughts were clearest. I wish I could bottle this moment and take it out on a day when the world is full of needless noise. The feeling of the sand under my feet, laughing to myself as it tickles my toes, the old sweatshirt that no matter how old it gets is always a comfort as the evening cools. It is a night like this that I wish time would stop and allow me to soak it in as long as my little heart desires.

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If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance. ~Bern Williams

My thoughts

2010-06-29T11:24:00.002-04:00

Today my thoughts lean towards earlier years and decisions I made. I realize 34 is still really young, but I am feeling my age today. I am seeing friends marry, and friends that have been married have children. It all brings to light how fast life is moving now. I have amazing people in my life, great friends, amazing family. Will I be a mother someday? Perhaps. Will I allow if I am not to define me? Never! I wont let status of what I have or have not define my future. I think my life is exactly as planned, and I look forward to what it brings along. I do sometimes allow myself to get sad and dwell, however that is truly only human and to not let that happen would make me a robot. I think I am close to finding peace in the fact that I can not plan out truly what will happen and that there is a thing called destiny that does guide us all. I will never stop wishing for things I do not have, but I guess that is what will make me appreciate it in the long run. Life is a gift and I need to enjoy every moment.

Summertime rolls in....

2010-06-10T10:01:00.003-04:00

The summer is upon us, and this time of year always puts a new spring in my step. For some reason waking up to the sun and hearing the birds singing always makes you want to wake and tackle the day. It makes us remember the things we loved about summer as a kid. Despite the obvious, it meant 2 months off to run around town. Also it brought days at the beach, the sound of the ice cream truck, or the taste of soft serve at your favorite spot. It also meant for some of us the crush you had on the boy down the street, and the endless game of "does he like me too". The best thing for me about the summer was being able to spend time with my Nana and Grandad who lived downstairs from us. My nana had the most amazing imagination, and always had this twinkle in her eye. I believe she was an angel, there was a magic I felt when I was with her. She always knew how to put me at ease, she made me feel talented and beautiful. Nana always told me I was special and a creature made perfectly by God. When she passed it only took away the physical interaction. I truly feel everyday since then (almost 16 years) that she is with me. There are times I look to her for guidance still and I grasp a memory or I look at a picture of us and it brings me back to those days. I will still always remember playing the piano in the hallway to hear the door open and see her watching me. The love in her eyes and the joy in her smile as I played on. Summer is magical, and I look forward to having one of the best yet!

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I only think of you.....Everytime my heart beats.

Life is about forgiveness and letting go

2010-05-17T15:51:00.002-04:00

I have a wonderful gift, something that I am overly grateful for. I have the gift of forgiveness. I have learned that life is short and that we all make mistakes. I want more then ever when I hurt someone or do something I know was wrong for a person to forgive me. I think we all have this gift, however sometimes we are stubborn, and we don't want to forgive. Sometimes the hurt comes from a deep place inside and we don't want to let it go. I also believe that sometimes we miss out when we don't forgive, we miss a great opportunity to grow as a person. I think it also allows us to truly get to know someone when we forgive, because it lets us into their vulnerable side. The tender side of a person that we should grasp onto. I find it is the moments when our true weakness comes out that we really allow someone into our world a little. I believe in not just second chances, but sometimes third as well. I have learned that in life we have to stop keeping score. Otherwise how can we truly move ahead. Forgive people even when they hurt you, realize they are human and we all need to be more open to allowing others to have their faults.

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“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Baby bumps and birthday spanks

2010-05-07T11:35:00.003-04:00

I get to have a lovely walk with my friend Dawn this eveing. You know there is nothing better then seeing a friend go through her first pregnancy. The glow, the unchartered territory they are making there way to. My friend Dawn is amazing. She is the kind of person that lights up a room and is always smiling. She has a way about her that just fills me with joy! Some people ooze positivity and she is truly one of them. She is married to an equally wonderful man Graeme. He is someone that she literally met randomly one summer and it became a VERY long distance relationship. It is amazing how a love can be so destined. I am blessed to know such a free spirit. A day can be made better just by spending a moment in her presence. She always knows what to say to make me smile when I am having a bad day and I hardly ever hear her utter a negative word. The child she is carrying is blessed beyond belief to have such wonderful parents.

I must send a VERY happy birthday to my lovely cousin Larissa! She will be getting a birthday smack from me this evening!

Have a fabulous weekend my friends and remember try saying hello to a stranger, it just might make their day!

Cherry Blossoms

2010-04-28T09:13:00.002-04:00

My office is surrounded by Cherry Blossom trees. Perhaps it is the pink that draws me to them, or just the idea that it symbolizes the start of spring and warmer days ahead. I will admit I am a sucker for any sign of spring. I love when the flowers all start to peek there head out of the ground and flood the world with color. It just makes my heart dance.

I am feeling so much better this week. I have to say I did not deal with the stress lately with the same grace that I normally do, however it just seemed alot hit me really hard and I was not in top form when it did. I guess I just need to realize that I can't always be the strong one, sometimes I need to allow myself to go through it and the steps are necessary. Well this lady is picking up her boot straps and moving forward. No more ho hum for me!

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There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Funk

2010-04-22T11:40:00.003-04:00

I hate this feeling I have had the past few days. I was in a car accident, and I am okay, but I had the moment where your life flashes before you and I was extremely shaken up. It is still affecting me two days later. I am indeed in a classic funk. I have not been in one like this for awhile. I had that moment last night when I was standing in my apartment and my cat Ella was relaxing on the ledge by the window, it was extremely still and quiet and I felt alone. I have not felt that way in a long time, but last night it hit really hard. I realized that I was 33 and alone, and normally, I am completely okay with that. However last night, I cried, tears I have not cried in a long time. Tears of loss, of regret, of past pain. I cried for the things I feared I would never have, like someone to share my life with or the laughter of my own children filling a house. I let myself have that moment, because sometimes we just need to cry, we need to let it all out. I am in a funk, and I need to recognize it and allow myself to process it and work through it all. I need to realize that this happens, we have moments when everything hits us harder then it normally would and it is okay to be that way. I will be okay, I realize under all of this the blessings I do have and that is enough to get me through.

Yes indeed there was Roller Skating!

2010-04-12T13:47:00.005-04:00

Wonderful weekend full of dinner with a friend I do not see as often as I should, and that is always an amazing thing. Jessi and I are a day apart. We were born in the same hospital and our mothers were in the same wing. She is a breath of fresh air and we always have a great time together.

On Saturday there was Roller skating!

oh yes there was indeed! After it was off to Denny's for french toast. Nothing like a little breakfast at 10:00PM. It was such a nice night, and it never gets old to feel like you are in high school again. I do have a big bruise from a nice spill I took! I am just happy I did not take my friend Suzi down with me. That would have been a scene!

Sunday was full of a morning hike and then walk around Castle Island in Southie! It is so pretty there! I definitely got my exercise in this weekend. I will continue that trend with a trip to the gym after work. I hear the summer coming and I am being haunted by images of bathing suits! Grrr.. I will not let them get the best of me! Happy Monday all!

Reminder of a womans worth

2010-04-09T16:51:00.003-04:00

This was in one of my favorite blogs and I have to say it made me smile and feel alive. I think we all need to remind ourselves of the lovely creatures we are as women. I think it is what keeps us in touch with our passion, sensuality and yes even our sexuality. To always be reminded we are amazing, stunning, beautiful and hold onto that when this world can be ugly and unforgiving. When the images of what magazines, or society think is beautiful haunt us. Maintain your inividuality and know it is what sets you apart. We are all creatures unlike no other and that should be celebrated everyday.

The Loveliness of a new day

2010-03-23T15:52:00.002-04:00

Sometimes the morning comes just in time, ushering in a new day for me to embrace. I am always drawn to a quote from a childhood movie "Anne of Green Gables", where Ann states that tomorrow is brand new with no mistakes in it. Yes, I like thinking that, and walking tall into the world... fearless.

My thoughts

2010-03-08T15:09:00.000-05:00

Are clearly all over the place lately. I saw the sun this morning and realized that sometimes its okay to not have complete clarity. Sometimes you can just go with a moment and let it work itself out.

You make me smile

2010-02-24T14:38:00.001-05:00

with my heart! :)

Be Strong, Be Powerful, but be a woman

2010-02-10T09:59:00.002-05:00

You can be a strong woman and still be soft. You can be independent and still need people. Finding a balance between strong and independent and learning how to trust and allow someone else to be there can be a challenge. I have lived alone now for almost 4 years, and I have been on this amazing journey of self discovery and self awareness. I feel so good in my own skin and know that while I have things I want to change about who I am, there are so many things about me that I feel are awesome. Learning to focus on what you have to offer and not the things that you are insecure about is hard. We always tend to, okay, I always tend to see what I need to work on or change. I have been making a conscious effort lately to really embrace what I have to give others and what about me is good. This life we have is so short, and so precious. I just want to laugh and smile to bring light into other peoples lives as well. I love this journey, it is so rugged, and yet so smooth sometimes. The twists and turns have led to this place that I am at now. I am blessed beyond belief and truly thank God everyday for all that I have. What I don't have right now will all come in time. The things that will define me as I get older are not things that you can hold in your hand, they are not tangible, but instead they are the things I have to offer that can't be seen.

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“Too often we are so preoccupied with the destination, we forget the journey.”

My thoughts as the new year approaches

2009-12-27T23:39:00.003-05:00

This year has been a trying one with many bumps in the road for me. I am stronger because of it, however I am definitely looking forward to the new year and what it brings. The idea of what could be gets me excited and makes me want to jump right into 2010. Bring it on, I am ready for the challenges and most of all for the happy times, I hope this year brings more laugh lines then I can handle. I am prepared for an amazing year!

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"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

~ Sir Winston Churchill

Some things that make me happy

2009-12-16T10:35:00.004-05:00

Waking up to my cat Ella giving me morning kisses.

Listening to my favorite Christmas songs.

Seeing the Christmas lights on the houses as I drive home at night.

The look on a childs face when they see something that amazes them and they can not contain there excitement.

a warm blanket on a cold night.

a big hug.

The sound of the rain on the roof.

My family and the constant love and support they show me on a daily basis.

My Nephew when he says Auntie Tawa - he can and does make everday of my life worth living, love that little man.

Holding a microphone and singing, fills my heart with ridiculous joy.

The quiet first thing in the morning before the day starts, it is still in the winter, and in the spring you can hear the sounds of the birds.

The feeling of the grass under my feet in the summer, it always feels so cool.

Laughter of any kind. It is contagious and we should hear more of it in our lives.

Long hot baths with a big glass of red wine.

Fresh flowers that brighten a whole room.

Hearing an awesome song that I can sing to at the top of my lungs come on the radio after a really long day!

to be cont.

Trust

2009-12-15T09:02:00.002-05:00

Trust is a concept I used to be really great at. I would trust someone right away and not question. I now have reached the other end of the spectrum where I do not trust at all right away. I am learning that you need to put a little trust in someone or something, but also keep a clear head about it all. No one and no thing in your life is perfect, life and the people around you will let you down. That is reality. However I am learning to try and not let it all sour me to the person that I am. I am naturally a person that follows my heart, and I will do that continually throughout the course of my life. However I am also learning that I need to be more aware of my life and know when to put a hold on that trust in certain situations. It is a learning curve I think we all go through over and over again in life. It is not a bad thing, and I just need to find a certain balance with it all. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is part of what makes me who I am, and for that I am thankful. Life is short, I want to constantly embrace the moments. Some will make me laugh, some cry, but at the end of my amazing life, they will all be the things that made me who I am. In the words of one of my favorite poets Maya Angelou:

I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

It was raining

2009-12-14T11:03:00.002-05:00

But.. she still ran over and kissed him like it was her last first kiss...

The only way to really know...

2009-12-07T11:14:00.004-05:00

is to really let it go..

Let it all go, worries, stress, becuase at the end of the day it is all so small. This time of year really brings to my mind how selfish I can be. When I am brought to the reality that I have more then most people and should be thankful for it all and not always be wanting more. The simple things are what matters. I need to be more focused on those around me that are not as fortunate. I used to volunteer alot and now I find that I don't as much as I want. I give to the poor and goodwill, etc, however I really need to get back to volunteering my time again. That is my New Years resolution this year, to give back more. To be more selfless and more socially aware. To be the solution and not just another person that pretends to not see.

And then there was one...

2009-12-04T10:10:00.003-05:00

It happened, this past Thanksgiving weekend, my brother surprised us all by proposing to his girlfriend. Sreela is so lovely and we all adore her, so this was fantastic news. However it did make me pout a bit as I am older and still have not found my life partner. I am not worried though, nor do I have any sense of urgency there. I understand timing in life is everything, and there is someone so special out there for me that it is worth the wait. Finding someone that can be a part of my crazy life and me be a part of theirs is going to be truly amazing. I see so many unhealthy relationships around me and I know that marriage is hard. I almost married the wrong man, and it would have ended in divorce. I am older and smarter now and know what it truly takes to make a relationship work. I don't need a man to make my life complete, I have a complete life. I want to have someone to share it with. A person that just adds to what I already have going on. Someone that brings something different to the table, that I can learn from as well as them learning from me.

All of this brings me to my new theme song. Yes, my Ally McBeal moments still happen.

Haven't met you yet: Michael Buble

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T12:19:00.002-05:00

What a wonderful day with family! My brother surprising my mom was awesome and made me so happy to see her smile like that. It was a truly relaxing day full of laughs and catching up on life. I am thankful this year for wonderful family and amazing friends that make life so joyful. I am blessed to have a job, a place to live and so much to be grateful for. I will remember this time of year and always to keep in mind those that do not have all that I do. This is the time of year we notice the less fortunate more then ever. Lets try and be mindful of the world around us as we thank God for all that we have, may we also ask he be there for those that are not as blessed.

And it happened..

2009-11-20T11:58:00.006-05:00

Death came knocking at her door. Today was the day she had been dreading for the last 6 months. She tried to tell herself it wouldn't happen, but she knew that unless some miracle happened that she would be staring death right in the face. Her heart raced knowing that from this moment on her life would change. Yes, it is true that the last 6 months her life had changed in more ways then she ever thought possible, but she knew that the finality of it all would be something that would affect her very core. The fear, anxiety and sadness all seemed to mix together and she felt like a switch, with her mood changing on a daily basis. Seeing her Nana dwindle was the hardest part of all of this. Once full of life and more energy then she sometimes had, her Nana always kept her guessing and was full of sweet surprises. To say she was inspiring would be an understatement, as the affects of the years we spent together are still present in my everyday life. But today, as she saw the laughing faces of family around the table that had seen so many womderful moments, she knew that only a floor away, her Nana was losing the battle. Of course Nana was going to be at peace, and most of all she was going to be with God. To her there was not better joy in death then to be with her maker. Her heart was true to her faith in ways that to this day amaze me. Even with her passing imminent her spirit was full. We all held hands as I heard the sound of her devotional CD in the background, my grandfather so gently touching her cheek, the love in his eyes more powerful then I have ever seen. Those moments seemed to pass so slowly. Hearing the words "she has passed on" and the sounds of our voices as we prayed the Our Father together as a family. Then the most beautiful combination of voices as we sang Amazing Grace as the matriarch or our beloved family finally was no longer in pain.

Peace

2009-11-09T11:32:00.006-05:00

I had such a wonderful weekend. It started out with dinner with a really wonderful person and then off to North Conway with my best friend Heather on Saturday AM. We stayed Saturday night at the most beautiful place I have seen in a long time. The Mount Washington Hotel, it was so peaceful and beautiful up there, and seeing Mount Washington from the amazing wrap around porch was breathtaking. We sat on the couch in the gigantic lobby and had hot cider and chocolate chip cookies. It was the rest and relaxation I needed. I told Heather I definitely could get used to it. I had always wanted to stay there and it definitely lived up to the expectations and then some, all weekend I kept saying that I could not believe how beautiful it was. I want to get back there for a long weekend soon! Maybe next time I can take advantage of how romantic it really is :).

I had a deep tissue massage on Sunday which I desparately needed due to my back spasms. I think I am not sold on massages. It was really amazing. I am so glad I went. It was also great time to really connect with Heather. We don't always get good quality time together, so it was nice. Her husband was lovely to lend her to me! :)

Some pictures below:

I definitely needed to get away and regroup. It felt really nice to just be up there with the views and the fresh air. I love taking time to just enjoy what is around me, and you don't always get that with the day to day rush of life. I am thankful for those moments, becuase they really bring me back to what is important.

Decisions

2009-10-21T10:54:00.003-04:00

Life is about decisions, sometimes we make the right ones, sometimes we make the wrong ones, however we need to own them. I have a hard time even when I feel it is right making the tough decisions in my life. There are so many things bouncing around in my head. I sometimes prevent making some decisions because I feel unsure. I know though if I listen to my heart and if I feel I am waivering then I probably know truly what I need to do.

I have to make a few decisions in my life over the next 6 months. Some of them will be a big change, and I am still deciding what that change will be and where it will lead me. I feel pulled at this point in my life to make some moves that I have wanted to for years and have feared doing. I want to step outside of my box a bit and feel a little unsafe. I know that in the long run my decision will be the best for me. If it isn't then I will know sooner then later and at least I will have learned something from it.

Time for me to take smoe chances.

This will be

2009-10-11T18:25:00.003-04:00

This will be the day that I smile for you
the day I have worked all week for
This will be the day I stay awhile with you
in case we do not have this chance tomorrow

This will be the day I make peace with myself
instead of letting it bring me down
This will be the day I value love more then wealth
knowing the things that really matter

This will be the day I dance for no reason
even when music is not playing
This will be the day I enjoy the change in season
even when I need to have a sweater handy

This will be the day I let go again
knowing it is all that I can do
This will be the day I let it begin
even knowing there are no garuntees

***********
TF

The sweetest Trip

2009-10-07T15:49:00.003-04:00

Just breath, that is all we can do somedays. Today is a sad day. Paul Morrell is being waked this evening. A man who was an inspiration to all but mostly a loving father and husband. Cancer has taken so many lives that had so much more living to do. I know there is a reason for everything that happens in life. However this is the second person I know that has died of cancer with young children. His wife is one of the strongest women and I know she will get through this. It is never a good time to lose your best friend and partner in life. Nothing prepares you for it, even though you know it is coming. I pray that Tahni and her children feel the peace of God in there lives. That there journey now that Paul is gone will be filled with love and blessings. Paul, may you find peace in your forever home, the angels are truly rejoicing your arrival. We will miss you on this earth, but know that you have touched us all.

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After I wake up, he will make me stand next to Him,
and, in my flesh, I shall see God.
The One I shall see shall be for me,
the One I shall look upon will not be a stranger.
~ Job

Tuna Fish and BBQ Chips

2009-10-06T14:30:00.000-04:00

..Have brightened my day...

Tough Decisions

2009-10-01T09:20:00.002-04:00

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” - Tim Robbins
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But what is my decision. The act of getting there is what makes it a harder journey. I am not going to lie, I am wishy washy when making decisions, I used to be so impulsive that now I think I fear making a decision because I am not sure if after making it I will feel the way I thought I would. I know that does not really make complete sense. However I fear maknig the wrong choice that I am not making any at all. I am just in limbo. I sit here in turmoil knowing where I think I am leaning, but not liking that outcome and wishing that I could turn the clock back a bit and see where my head was weeks ago before all of this. I want to feel that again, but I know there is not going back in life, we can only go forward and make the best choices we can. That being said, what is the best choice for me right now? Is it to follow my gut here not fully knowing how I feel, or to stay in this indecision a little longer til I feel completely at peace with whatever choice I make.
Decision are alot harder when you know you chance hurting someone or mulitple people. However I do know I have to do what is best for me in the end. I need to find peace with it and move forward. I do think more time is needed for me to truly know where I am going here. I know in the end I will have to make a choice and stick to it, I need to not second guess myself and hope that I have done what is best for my life and where it is going. It is a scary place to be, but this is life. We have to make the tough choices and never look back, but learn from them all. I feel I have come a long way with acceptance in regards to my past and I have a positive outlook on my future.

When in doubt, leave it out

2009-09-30T17:03:00.002-04:00

That is what she said folks. Sure she was referring to being in 7th grade and it had something to do with commas, however obscure, it does pertain to alot in life. I am in a strange place right now with my feelings. Not sure where to move, I guess if I played chess it would compare to when you need to make a strategic move. I don't know what I am going to do. Not sure what decision lays ahead for me with this. However I do know I am not happy with my feelings, or lack there of at the moment. I need to allow some time to go by before I will know how I am feeling. I hate the waiting stage, however it is what is necessary here. I also do not like hurting anyone if I can help it. However that is what life does, sometimes we hurt people we care about the most. I think this time I am going to make sure I know completely before I make my next move.

Cold Season

2009-09-23T09:23:00.002-04:00

Yes, I have a full blown head cold! YAY. It is so fun, I can not even tell you how much I love being on the train when I forgot tissue and trying to not make that nasty sound when you are trying to sniffle. Becuase I know I hate when people near me do that. It was a very long train ride.

I hate being sick when I am only a month into my new job and it is very stressful. I have so much to do and just want to be in bed. At least I have had down night and just gone home to my couch. I have alot on my mind this week to, just life and stuff, and it has been maknig this week not go any smoother for me. I know it will all be much better when I finally feel better. I am just hoping I will be better for the weekend and get to relax a bit.

I am doing my best not to infect others with my cold. Once the kids start school, the roads get crowded and the colds start spreading. I will ride this one out and hopefully this will be my cold of the season.

Daily commute

2009-09-15T10:48:00.004-04:00

Sometimes when she is on the train there is a song on her ipod that just makes her smile while at the same time the book she is reading takes her to a fairytale world, In that moment she lets out a sigh and realizes that it is in these moments that she feels the peace and the joy that sometimes alludes her during her crazy day of answering emails, and scheduling meetings. It allows her to take in the serenity, even when the tall man behind her keeps banging into her and his armpit smell from holding the pole is not at all like the smell of roses. The music allows her to forget where she is and even where she is going. It is the soundtrack in that moment. The solace she needs to finally feel herself again.

Oh Maine! You wonderful piece of heaven on earth!

2009-08-25T22:52:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow night after work A and I will take the 5 hour journey to one of the most peaceful places. Moosehead Lake is once again calling my name. The best thing about this year is that I will be bringing him for the first time. I am also really looking forward to seeing Heather and getting to spend some time with her. Also having them get to know each other means the world to me as they are both two extemely important people in my life.

I can not wait and will definitely report back upon my return.

All things must come to an end

2009-08-19T10:34:00.004-04:00

"The key to change... is to let go of fear.” Rosanne Cash

Today ends my 3 years at a wonderful company, and tomorrow starts a new adventure. Although I will be doing the same thing the environment will be different. I am ready for a new challenge, new people and new experiences. I will go boldly into this new role with confidence and look at the past 3 years as growth. Change is good, it keeps us on our toes and allows us to grow even more.

She's from Boston

2009-08-14T11:15:00.003-04:00

Its the weekend once again. A few things I am excited about!

1. Finally getting my hair cut and highlighted tonight. It has been since May and it is driving me mad. I need to look great when I start my new job.

2. Wearing jeans on a Friday is SO nice. I know, the little things excite me, what can I say

3. Tomorrow is the Kenny Chesney concert, with a ton of my favorite artist. huge group tailgating to get the party started, then a day full of amazing sunshine and music. Does it get any better?

4. Sunday A is meeting my mother for the first time. My mom is my best friend and I am beyond excited to introduce them.

and mostly I am just happy that is it a weekend full of sunshine, laughter, music, and people I love. Life is truly what you make it. I am chosing to make every day the best it can be.

Customer Service is DEAD!

2009-08-12T12:50:00.002-04:00

I can't even get into the whole story here, however the fact that customer service is so bad lately really makes me angry. What ever happened to taking care of the customer, to making them feel valued and respected. I know that I value treating people with respect and always making them feel they are important. I hardly ever get mad, and this last week I have been beyond angry with BOCH Toyota and how they have been treating me. The fact that as I write this I am on hold because I can not get ANY answers from anyone on what is going on with my registration is beyond upsurd. I am sick to my stomach and really just want this resolved so that I can get on with my life. I honestly have never been treated so badly in my life.

August already?

2009-08-04T10:09:00.004-04:00

Here it is, the first week in August. I can't believe the summer has flown by. Although at this point I should expect it, it always tends to fly by. This year though with all the rain we got it did not really feel like summer til about a month ago.

I have to say though, regardless of the weather being not the best through July, I have had by far the best summer to date. Wonderful friends and family and the addition of a wonderful person to share it all with. I always thought that life was about the simple joys and now more then ever I know it is true. The best things in life can not be bought with money, they can only be shared with those we truly love. The things that in the end will enrich our lives are the moments we have and the memories we make. Life is this wonderful journey, and knowing what really matters and taking the time to stop and enjoy those things is what will keep us happy and healthy. My outlook on life has been drastically changed over the last few months, and I think for the better. I know that my future will be full of endless blessings and these will help the hard times not feel so hard. I have learned to enjoy my today's and to breath it all in.

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You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need. ~Vernon Howard

Shes shiney and red and ALL MINE

2009-07-29T10:12:00.003-04:00

I did it. I went car shopping yesterday and soon bring home my fabulous new car. I wanted another hatchback but ended up with a 2010 Toyota Camry. She is BEAUTIFUL and rides like a dream. I guess this is officially my first grown up car. It only took me til 33. I needed to get a car that would maintain its value. I loved my hatchback and it was really good to me, however now was the time for something that can go the long haul with me. Who knows where the next 5 years will lead and having something that will keep up with me is a great thing.

Of course not loving that I have another car loan, however that is life, and in the end it is all worth it.

I can not wait to pick her up and break her in with some good tunes, me singing and the windows rolled down.

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“I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”

Sometimes..

2009-07-20T10:44:00.002-04:00

It takes one person in your life for you to finally see the beauty in yourself. One person believing in you and loving who you are completely and with all your faults. I think for the first time I understand more then I ever have what unconditional love is. To feel that who I am is more then enough is a blessing. I am indeed fortunate.

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"If I know what love is, it is because of you."

Lemon pie inspired

2009-07-16T10:48:00.005-04:00

So my very lovely friend Sarah just inspired me with her post on her blog

http://sarahcookson.blogspot.com/2009/07/lets-get-rich-and-build-our-house-on.html">

and I have to say I agree with it completely. Unlike Sarah I have lived with men in the past and I did live with my ex fiance. I did not have to live with any of the men in my past to know how it would or would not work. Moving out from living with my ex was the toughest thing ever. I knew it was right and that we could not be together because it was a terribly unhealthy relationship. I am now with someone that makes me see what something beautiful can be like and I think we are on the path to a amazing relationship. I know in my heart if it worked out that I would not live with him either before we were married. As Sarah so sweetly puts in your blog "but most of all right now we will dream about the days when we don’t have to leave, or say i miss you and when we can wake up every morning next to our favorite person ever."

Thank you Sarah for that beautiful post and for knowing that your love right now is solid and that the dreams of waking every morning to each other is such a blessing til the day you say I do.

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“I never thought it was worth it, you know waiting for your love, and then I felt your kiss, I could wait forever for this”

Making a commitment

2009-07-10T08:52:00.006-04:00

This week I have been thinking alot of discipline and making a commitment to something. I sadly have never been good at committing fully to something that I truly want. Not sure if it is the incessant fear of failure that follows me around, or the fear of what if I do succeed. I think of that alot this week because I am trying to set some clear personal goals for myself. I know that it is a matter of making the decision, making a set list of things that I need to do to go along with that goal and making an effort EVERY day to stick to that. I need to stop the excuses, because clearly that is all they are. They are the roadblocks that get in our way. I always say I get in my own way, and that is true on so many fronts. I find that I like to sabotage what I am doing for me, and I like to find as many excuses for it as I can. The truth is, there are none. The only reason is me. We need to take a conscious look at ourselves and say why have I not accomplished this? It can be a simple goal of cleaning your apartment, or losing that last 10 pounds, or even as simple as sending that card that you keep meaning to. Honestly I am doing that this week, learning to put some things first, some things that are truly really important to how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror. Sometimes we need to put oursevles first, and not let our own fear or lack of discipline get in the way. I need to be truly happy and at peace with who I am and to get there, I need to focus on a few things. First is learning discipline and sticking to it.

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“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.”

Somewhere I have never traveled

2009-07-07T21:35:00.000-04:00

somewhere i have never travelled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

e. e. cummings

Weekend wanderings

2009-06-29T10:22:00.004-04:00

I had an amazing weekend. Friday night was spent making dinner with my guy and playing a pretty mean game of scrabble. Of course he won AGAIN, but this time only by 4 points, so it was a good game. We got up bright and early to head to Moore State Park in Paxton. It was a gorgeous morning and we definitely found a great place to spend it.

We then ventured off and had some ice cream and made a stop at my sisters where they were finishing up a yard sale.

Sunday started off bumping as I had this headache that did not want to go away. So I stayed low key in the am knowing that I had tickets to see Susan Tedeschi that night. A came over and we went to the new Fours that opened in Norwell and had a yummy dinner, then we headed off to South Shore Music Circus. The show was of course amazing. Shemekia Copeland opened for her and that lady can sing. I mean it was out of control how soulful her voice was. I am always in awe when I see Susan because she has this soft speaking voice and this insane power when she sings. I had such a nice night. Of course, not it is back to work today, AND it is raining again. This has been the most rain I have seen in one month. I am just hoping we get some sort of summer this year.

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Wonderful Birthday Weekend

2009-06-23T11:08:00.012-04:00

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. Started out with some good friends for dinner and drinks on Saturday. Sunday I spent the afternoon at my sisters for Fathers day and my actual birthday. It was so nice, and they had my favorite.. Ice cream cake! YUMMO! The funniest thing was that I had taken a hot dog and had it on my plate while I was getting my hot dog roll ready, and when I look down it is gone. I look around and my father starts laughing, I look over to my left and my nephew Isaac was double fisted, he had his half eaten hot dog in one hand and mine with a bite out of it in his right hand. We all could not stop laughing. Isaac loves his food, I think that was one of 4 hot dogs he had that day. Man that boy can eat. I ended up staying over since I was going to the Aquarium on my day off with my sister and Isaac. Turns out we should have built an ark. We were soaked by the time we got back to the car to head home, and you can see the little sleeping man on this blog, he was wiped out from his trip.

I am really thankful for all those in my life. I know I am beyond blessed. I feel so loved and cared for. This birthday was really special to me, this past year has been one of self discovery for me that still continues and I am sure will for a long time. I have found a peace inside and a new sense of what is truly important in life. Love in its many forms is what keeps my heart in check. Learning to allow the goodness into my life and to know that it is here for a reason and to not look for the negative in it. So many things to look forward to this next year and I am really excited about it. To all my friends and family thank you. FB, thanks for making this year even more special! You truly rock!

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“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

Is it the rain.. the lack of sleep..?

2009-06-19T09:13:00.004-04:00

Ugh.. not sure what it is. I am beat, a long week and a few late nights have caught up with my normally jovial self to put me in an end of week funk. Should have been in bed at 9 last night, but after playing with my cats so they would not drive me absolutely bonkers again, I laid in bed and just stared at the ceiling, all sorts of things running through my mind. Anxiety was crazy, and I dont think there was one thing that was driving that for me. I just felt overwhelmed with some things, and I think allowed myself to dwell on thoughts that are idiotic. I know we all have our days and moments, so I am just trudging through this hoping it passes.

This is my birthday weekend. I turn 33 on Sunday. It is also Fathers day which always puts a pit in my stomach. I would love to have a relationship with my dad that others envy, however that was just never in the cards for me and my siblings. I know that I will always love him becuase he gave me the gift of life, however that is where it ends and it makes me sad. Especially when I have to share my birthday every few years with that day when most are celebrating there dad and how wonderful he was. Dont get me wrong, my father had moments when we were younger, but it saddens me to no end that he is just not someone I want to be around. I know I should just see it as being something that is, however it is hard.

So on top of another year older and it always bumming me out a bit, I have that as another thing to deal with. I will enjoy time at my sisters on my birthday, but with my father there it will feel a little stressful as well. I will try and focus on the positive and seeing my nephew will be awesome too.

I am however looking forward to tomorrow night and getting to celebrate my birthday with some awesome friends. I love the people around me and in my life. They always remind me of just how lucky I am.

Don't get me wrong, I may be in a funk today and feeling a bit crappy, but my life is great. I have really amazing family and friends, someone special to share my birthday with this year. Overall life is really good. So, I will get through this rainy day and spend the evening with some retail shoe therapy and all will be well with the world.

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i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

2009-06-17T11:49:00.001-04:00

Simply put, I love this poem. It has always been a favorite, then it was in a movie "In Her Shoes" and I just love the simple way it was written. Such a beautiful poem with great meaning.

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i carry your heart with me
by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-06-15T12:21:00.003-04:00

Today is my Mothers birthday! The strongest most amazing women I know. She is not only my mother she is my best friend and my rock. She makes me laugh so hard that I snort and can drive me completely batty as well. Today I celebrate her and her life. She has come a long way, and been through a lot to get where she is now. She amazes me daily with her character and there is no limit to her selflessness. I can only aspire to be the women that she is today. The beautiful strong lady that I look up to.

So mom, Happy Birthday. I hope the year ahead fills you will all the happiness and joy that you deserve. Thank you for being a role model and loving me completely no matter what. I honor you today, and everyday for making me who I am.

I love you!

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"My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune." ~Graycie Harmon

Funky mood

2009-06-14T10:22:00.005-04:00

I woke up today in a bit of a funky mood. Feeling a bit down, however I think it is in part due to all the feelings I have lately. I have been on such a high and so excited about my life and path. I think sometimes when that happens I am due to feel a bit unsteady. To question if I truly deserve it all. I know deep down that I do, that all this has been coming for awhile. I deserve to live a full and happy live. It feels lately like everything is falling into place for me. I am content with my life, and find such a wonderful peace in that. I have amazing friends and family in my life, I am living in a drama free one that is awesome. There are all sorts of reasons for me to thank God for all I have. I wont let my self doubt ruin what is a great start to a wonderful summer for me. So many things to be thankful for today and always. I will get through this feeling and enjoy the moments that are coming. New beginnings make me unbelievably happy.

Beauty

2009-06-11T09:37:00.005-04:00

This truly made me smile, and continues to.

The reason I sing

2009-06-09T14:08:00.002-04:00

I discovered on Saturday at my gig one of the main reasons I sing. The reason making music brings me such joy. I was walking out of the women's room and saw this women looking around, and I said "Tahni". She said "oh my god, Tara". It was amazing to see her there of all places. Tahni is going through a really tough time right now. Her husband Paul has cancer and is not doing well. It has been a long and tough road for them, with lots of prayer coming from the community. Her friends had surprised her with taking her out to dinner and then some dancing. Tahni needed it, she needed to be able to get out and laugh and have a great time with her girlfriends. It was amazing to me to see her smiling, and it brought me so much joy. The next set I sang "Don't Stop Believing" and after dedicated it to her. She is truly a strong women, and seeing her touch her heart after I sang it made me realize what a gift God had given me. You see, when I saw her before the set, she said her friends gave her a crown that said "Believe". I think God works in such wonderfully mysterious ways. He truly touches me when he makes me stop and thank him for the gift of song, for being able to touch others and to feel that I have a purpose.

Music

2009-06-08T17:11:00.002-04:00

I love to sing, everything about lyrics and a great melody move me in ways I have never experienced. I had an amazing gig on Saturday night. I felt more alive up there then I have in a long time. I was confident and felt so amazing. I think it has to do with my life lately. I am truly, uniquivicabbly happy. Are there things that could change? Sure, but overall I am really enjoying everyday, even when it has challenges. I feel stronger emotionally then I ever have and I am open to this crazy world. I am not going to let it bring me down and I will continue to trudge through when I have to and enjoy the moments when I feel completely at peace with myself.

This is such a precious gift we are given. We need to embrace the good that we are given and allow it to help us filter through the not so good. I am learning more and more to do that and it makes me happier then I think I have ever been in life. Wow, I never thought I would say that, but I am happier then I have ever been. This is a great place to be.

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"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

Oh Summertime, my sweet love

2009-06-05T11:31:00.005-04:00

Summer you call to me all year long, and when you saunter in and your light shines through my window I hear the birds sing. The world seems to move more, peoples laughter bounces off building walls and into my living room as I sit on my couch and feel the breeze that often comes with early June. You call me to walk by the ocean and feel that air that when it touches my face makes me feel alive. I want to take my shoes off and feel the cool blades of grass as they tickle the bottom of my feet. I want to walk to the edge of the water and feel the cold as it touches my toes. Life seems so much sweeter this time of year. I think perhaps that is what makes my birthday and turning another year older not so bothersome to me. Somehow the magic of June makes me feel 5 again. It turns the days longer and time seems to stand still. I am in love with you Summer, you are the season that God chose for me to become a part of this world. You will always be close to my heart. We are connected, and I feel the renewal every year when you approach. I am like a child at Christmas when I know you are arriving, I want to wake up early and greet you. I cherish the memories of the summer all year long and it gets me through the cold and dark times. So sweet summer, we will have many wonderful moments this year, and I will carry them in my pocket when the fall enters and my sweaters come out of hybernation.

Today

2009-06-03T14:01:00.001-04:00

Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you.

Thoughts on online dating

2009-06-02T10:46:00.007-04:00

So I have done the online dating thing off and on for a while. I met my ex there, and yes, the one before that. I have definitely seen it evolve into what appears to sometimes be an online bar scene. There are people on there to hook up, to play games just as you would find at any bar in Boston or your hometown. Then there are people like me who truly want to find just one person to share my life with. There is that cliche saying "it just takes one". I truly believe that there is someone out there to share my days with. However being online you have to really make sure you have your radar on. That you can hone in on the ones that are real and honest. There are times we can have the wool pulled over our eyes.

I am extremely passionate person and tend to feel things pretty intensely. However as of late have learned to allow myself time to get to know someone. I think that is the key to finding the person I am meant to be with. Take the time to truly get to know them and see if you honestly click. If there is something there worth building on. This has been an amazing lesson for me, and I think I am doing a great job of putting it into practice.

The only issue for me that has always been hard with online dating is you never know if they are seeing other people etc. When do you decide to just see each other and date and see where it goes? This is a fine line. I think though when you know you have a good person in front of you, you should focus on getting to know them and seeing if there is a future there. Sometimes to many things in the air can lead to confusion. However like I said this is where the line gets fuzzy. No one wants to bring up that convo and you just want to have it happen naturally. Not always easy. Because honestly if you met at a bar or through a friend, you would not know if they were dating other people unless they told you anyway.

I think most of all the key is to keep a clear head, and remember who you are as a person without someone in your life. Hold onto that person always, and be clear on what you need and want in life. I believe I will attract into my life the right person for me and that confidence is a great thing to have.

Happy dating friends (although most of you are either married or practically married) :)

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"Nobody will think you're somebody if you don't think so yourself."

Some pics: Bar Harbor/Heathers wedding

2009-05-28T09:36:00.003-04:00

Peaceful and relaxed

2009-05-27T11:57:00.002-04:00

I went on vacation last Thursday to Bar Harbor Maine. It was to be a part of my friend Heather and Matts wedding. From the moment we saw our cabin in the woods, my mother and I were instantly relaxed. The walk we took down to the beach was magical, and seeing the view from the rocks of the water brought such a sense of peace. I needed to get away, I was letting the stress of life start to get to me a bit. Being out in nature, and celebrating my two friends decision to spend forever together made me realize all the little things in life that matter. It was truly a beautiful weekend and I come back with a renewed spirit. I am ready for the challenges and know that in life we really do not need to sweat the small stuff.

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Written thoughts from this weekend:

There is something so magical about the way the ocean hits the rocks. It covers them like a new mother would swaddle their child. It washs them and leaves a glistening film of water. The way the sunset dances off the beads of water is enchanting. I am amazed at this beautiful earth, the magic that God created. I believe this is what makes the hard days not seem so bad, makes the sadness we have felt in life find solace. For me the ocean has always been that escape. It wraps me in its wonder. Not many things in life have left me speechless, but these moments have a tendency of doing that to me.

Good Karma

2009-05-19T12:00:00.002-04:00

My friend and I were just discussing good karma and how we believe if you do good things in your life it does eventually come back to you. I know for me it did this weekend, with my car having issues and it still being under my warranty. Then to be given a loaner that only had 300 miles on it. I think it was because I am always nice to customer service people and understand what it is like to be in that type of job. I think that if more people were nicer to others they would see that in general people will respond better to you when you are treating them well.

This weekend was so nice. I got out to see my friends cover band "Red Square" play the battle of the cover bands at Olivers Nightclub at the Cask & Flagon. My band could unfortunately not be there as my other singer is on a cruise! So I was glad I could get these guys in there. They are great people and came in second, so that made me really happy. Saturday was spent with my sister after dropping my car off for service. It was really nice to spend a day with her alone. We have not had a chance to do that since Isaac was born 2 years ago. I adore that boy, but Ruth and I had a wonderful time. We had some breakfast then went shopping for a dress she needs for a wedding in June. I am amazed at how well we get along now compared to growing up. I think I just realize more how much I adore my family. My sister is great, we are different, but we can celebrate those differences more now. I had plans that evening with FB, and again had another great time. He is just really easy to be around. I truly enjoy getting to know him. Sunday was spent rehearsing some new songs for the next gig and then the supermarket and pure vegging which was definitely needed.

I am no gearing up to head to Bar Harbor Maine on Thursday with my mother for my best friends wedding that I am in. I am beyond excited. It will be really nice to get away and my Mom is really looking forward to the vacation. We both need it. We have a cabin at the base of the park and are looking forward to morning coffee hikes right from the back yard. I am sure it will be an exhausting weekend, but overall lots of smiles and celebrating Heather and Matt's love. What could be better then being a part of someones future?

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"The story of a love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity." Helen Hayes

Today is what matters

2009-05-15T13:48:00.002-04:00

So, tomorrow is there, waiting in the wings for me, but I think I will just enjoy today, this moment, sitting at my desk at work. Instead of working I am blogging right now. Blogging about nothing in particular and yet everything all at once. My mind sometimes feels like it is in overdrive, that I constantly have some thought or process going on. Sometimes I just like to stop. This time of year is so good for that. Take my rollerblades down to castle island, or the canal on the cape and just go, feel the wind on my face, enjoy watching the people pass around me, and hearing children laugh. Taking a moment to sit on the wall at the beach and listen to the ocean as the waves come in. It makes me remember the reason I live in New England and can survive through our aweful winters here. I remember it all on one sunny day, when all I can do is smile and think of how beautiful it is. Seeing the first flowers bloom, the trees start to bud. It truly is amazing how the seasons come upon us. I am glad that today is Friday, for many reasons. It is 5 days closer to my long weekend in Bar Harbor for my best friends wedding. It is hours closer to breakfast with my sister and some shopping. It represents time to relax. However right now, as I write this, I am truly as I say most days thankful to be alive, and fully present in my life. To recognize that the stress in everyday proves to be what truly strengthens me and allows me the clarity to see the things in my life that are truly beautiful. We are all given a gift in life, to be able to take the bad and to celebrate in the good. I hope I never stop learning the lessons that make me who I am, and I pray that I will only enjoy this roller coaster for what it is. This journey that I have ahead of me will be one that I am sure will bring me sorrow, and so many joyful moments.

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Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
~ Mother Teresa

Be

2009-05-08T13:13:00.004-04:00

Be The change you want to see in the world

Smile on the world and it will smile back on you

Two thoughts that are floating around my mind today. Be the change.. what does that mean? I assume like all things that it means something different to everyone. To me, it means be the person that I want others to be, behave the way I would want others to behave to me. It reminds me to not be a person that says one things and then does the complete opposite. It is just a good phrase to keep in my mind on a daily basis. Smile on the world kind of fits into that category as well. I believe what we put out into this world we will get back. Not sure if it is karma I believe in or just that simple fact that if we are truly good people to our earth and those who are in it, then how can we not on some level get that goodness back. I would like to believe that although we go through hard times in life that all of it is part of a much bigger picture and that it all leads to the happiness that we deserve. Sometimes I think we are supposed to have moments of sadness and disappointment. Otherwise we truly would not appreciate all that we have.

I think that the world is a constant learning expierence. You never know what you will get from day to day, and most of it leaves us with more tools for our journey. It is indeed a beautiful journey.

The truth

2009-05-05T14:09:00.002-04:00

Been a while since I posted something written, this interestingly enough was written on the train this AM. Glad I am now carrying around a notebook.

The Truth:

Tell me, let me know
The thoughts inside your mind
The words they always vary
But the message remains the same

Teach me, help me understand
That inner space you keep locked
I hear you calling out to me
But the wall wont let me in

Believe in me, in my heart
It has been there before
My walls not as high
Your secrets are safe with me

Tell me the truth
I am here to catch you

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Loving who you are

2009-04-30T13:04:00.002-04:00

I learned something last night from a person that I actually saw a lot of myself in. Beauty, is truly in who you are as a person, what you bring into this world. I am a beautiful person. I get in my own way by trying to bring myself down and think that I am not. I have such a spirit in me, and love for the people in my life. I am capable of anything. I am a loving, trustworthy person that will do anything for those that I care about. I know this through and through. I need to feel that I deserve the same from all people. I am on my path. I want to share my life with others that know how to laugh, love, smile through the bad times. I want to surround my world with goodness as much as possible.

I woke this am to music. I watched a movie that ever song had an emotional connection to what was going on. I feel that is how I am with music. I love lyrics, and I could listen to one song over and over again if I feel pulled to what is being said. It is a natural drug to me. It fills my soul and makes me smile from the inside out. Sometimes an amazing song can just make me sob, and that to is really healthy. Where would I be in this life without the people I love and the power of a melody, or a pen to paper. The power of a song to guide my steps.

I am thankful for new friends and old friends. I am unbelievably hopeful today of all that is in my future. I believe, and that give me all I need.

The sunshine and other thoughts in my mind

2009-04-28T11:32:00.003-04:00

What a beautiful day it is out there. Of course I say this while staring out the glass window of my office. It was nice to not have to wear a jacket today and it always seems people are so much happier when the sun is shining.

Life is changing all around me. Everytime I see my nephew he is taller, smarter, and of course cuter. It is amazing how he had developed. He is probably one of the most tender boys I know. Recently when we were at the circus with him last week while sitting on my mothers lap he turned he face to her and smiled as he gentley touched her cheek. I definitely started tearing up. It is so loving, and to see him just stop to look at his nana that way. It also made me look at my mother differently. We have become so close these past few years and I am so thankful for that. However somehow Ruth Marie having Isaac changed us all inside. I feel closer to my sister and my entire family since we have been blessed with him. He puts hope in my heart when sometimes I don't have it. I can be having a bad day and talk to my sister on the phone and she has him say "Hi Auntie Tara" and it changes my mood instantly. He is our little angel. I look at him and can not imagine how much I will love my own child someday. The love I have to Isaac overflows.

We as a family are blessed. I only hope to someday know the joy of motherhood and to share that with an amazing man. It is all out there for me, within my reach. I know I am ready for it when it does finally get here.

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Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

Because I have to say this

2009-04-27T10:54:00.004-04:00

Old Friend,

I had been thinking about the email you sent in January. I wish I was heartless and could say that this does not still hurt me emmensely to read. That hearing you say the things that you did makes me angry. I have always been there for you, through your heartbreaks in life, been supportive when you had issues with your family etc. However in life no one is perfect, and we all can not be the friend you want 100% of the time. That is just how it goes.

For you to throw in the towel because I expressed anger and disappointment on things that were done is sad. I think in the long run something you will regret doing. I really believe that you made a HUGE mistake with the email you sent me. I was beyond hurt and if you truly wanted to end a friendship that lasted as long as ours, to email was really sad. I feel it made it seem like it was not a hard thing for you to do. That I was easy to discard.

I honestly in my heart would like to think that someday we will be in each others lives again, that the women I loved so dearly is in there somewhere, and realizes that throwing away the kind of friendship we had was a mistake, however I dont believe that is true right now.

I think about you a few times a week and still read your blog. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and will always miss the girl that I caused trouble with in my 20s and grew into a women with. That women I will always cherish and hold close to my heart.

~ Tara

Easter and saying goodbye

2009-04-14T15:57:00.004-04:00

This weekend was bitter sweet for me. Saturday night my band played and it was also a going away party for my brother. He leaves on Friday to head to Arizona for school and I will miss him. I know he will only be gone for a little while, but I will miss him. He has never lived out of state, so this will be new to me. I am used to having my immediate family here. It is so strange to not have them all here now.

It was nice to surprose him. Overall it was a wonderful night. Then we spent Easter at my moms. She made a delicious Lasagna and a roast chicken. It was so good to spend time with the family. My nephew is getting so big and I just adore him.

Over all things are looking up lately. I feel refreshed and look forward to an amazing Spring and Summer.

Traffic Light Lyrics

2009-04-09T16:09:00.002-04:00

Oh yes my friends it is now another installment of "I love these lyrics". I just downloaded on Monday The Ting Tings album and I am in L O V E.. love. So fun. But the lyrics to there song traffic light I adore. I think it is extremely clever and wish I had thought of it!

Traffic Light

don't you be a traffic light
don't you be a traffic light
with all things said
you turn to red
don't you be a traffic light

don't you be a round-a-bout
not another round-a-bout
we've come so far
yet back to the start
don't you be a round-a-bout

oh now baby don't miss read the signs
if you turn the key then things will turn out fine

lets not have a break down
not another breakdown
you're on your own a long way from home
lets not have a breakdown

don't miss read the signs
if you had just turned the key
then things would have turned out fine

you're pushing me, you're breaking
over taking me you're racing
first placing me not chasing me back home

don't let me down

Today

2009-04-06T09:57:00.003-04:00

The best thing about this day was waking up to the sounds of birds chirping. Just when I can not take another moment of Winter, in walks spring with a smile and I feel renewed. Okay, so it is still really chilly, but feeling the warmth of the sun on my face yesterday was so wonderful and it brought the promise of the flowers and definitely made me just want to drive around in my car all day. I took the long way everywhere and did not rush. I guess you could say yesterday I was definitely a Sunday driver!

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“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself”

Maya Angelou = Smart woman

2009-04-01T12:47:00.001-04:00

So my friend Heather shared this with me today and I needed to post it. It made me smile. Sometimes people say things we need to hear, even though we know, seeing it written down or spoken tends to bring it back to the front of our minds again.

From Maya Angelou:

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow only if you want it to be.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: weather, respect and lost luggage.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life . It is then you realize that no one can ever love and care for you more than they do. And that no one can ever replace them. I wish they were with me now!

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. So don't make the same mistakes again '

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back..'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel , especially your loved ones .'